[Curlymoe115]

Any company that wants 25 or 30 percent of your money is just scamming you. I don’t care if they are “experts” in their field if they are trying to get you to pay over a quarter of the money for an hour or two of work then they are not legitimate. If they guaranteed the money would be X dollars and even if you were turned down they paid you then they have a vested stake in your claim. But that isn’t what is going on here. Yes she “found” 40 thousand dollars. They took 30 percent of that money and then tried to go after future money that she is getting back. So for at most 10 hours of work how many thousands of dollars does their contract stipulate they owe. If they got 2000 from the government and the company claimed 600 of that plus 100 per year for 10 years would the tax accountant still make the same claim. That it was more then worth it for a disabled individual who is now barely skimming the poverty line to fork over such a high percentage of their money to an individual who just help facilitate them to get money owed to them by the government. Did this company cover medical fees while they waited. They did nothing except give them expert advise on how to fill out paperwork to submit. Hardly worth 10 thousand dollars. They would have been better to go to an accountant and pay 100 dollars or even go to a lawyer and sit through a fee consultation and get his advice.

Reverse mortgages let you take some money from the equity in your home. You get to live on that money payment free until you sell your home. The first year the interest owing on that money is pretty negligible so if you sell after 1 year and you use that money to help you fix up your home and increase the value of your asset then you have found money. But you take the 25 percent value of your asset and blow it on a vacation and buy a car for your child and go to the casino and blow the money. 10 years later you sell your home. You pay them 25 percent of the value of the home plus the interest owing on the money they advanced you. They take 95 percent of the proceeds of your house. You are now going into a seniors home with 5 percent of the value of your asset with no place to live and your pension doesn’t keep up. So then you are left with the diminished asset but you did get that one time lump sum payment of “found” money. And if they had never seen the ad for the CHIP reverse mortgage they would have never had the one year of heaven. But it cost them a bundle to do it. Companies like this are not philanthropic. They only do this if they can make money.

If this company were to say if you have a $400,000 house and we lend you a hundred thousand dollars at the end of 10 years we will charge you $405000 on your asset that is now worth 450,000 how many people would be jumping up to claim this found money. Sure for your home you got a payment of 145000 and you made no payments on this for the entire 10 years. But if you had taken this asset and sold it for 400000 and rented the place back and you deposited 300 grand you would have a interest amount that would have paid you 30 thousand a year in a good equity plan. You took the 100 thousand and had a good year and paid 2000 a month to rent your home and therefore it cost you a net of -600 a year to stay in your home. At the end of the 10 years you still have 300 grand of the value of your home sitting in an account and when you go into a nursing home you have that money to help you to pay people to provide adequate care. That is the same fallacy as saying that the government owes you 40 grand that they haven’t previously paid. This company helped you claim the money that you knew you were owed by seeing a free advertisement and they helped you fill out the paperwork and coached you on what to say to the doctor. So therefore for this “advertised” advice you pay a hefty sum of over 30 percent and you continue to pay for a set number of years. And if they got you nothing you pay 30 percent of nothing. This money from the government is also now counted as income and any other government money is clawed back by the full amount and they don’t take into account how much you paid for the advice. So you get a CPP payment of 1200 a month this stops until they account for the full 40 grand. Because the government always has a clawback penalty for any other payments they give you.

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[Curlymoe115]

Remember that “love” only lasts a few weeks or months. After that you are just in love. Things get comfortable and a little stale and for people with ADHD this is when we are holding on in a death grip because we so invest in this that even if it is not working and our brain tells us it is time to go we wrestle our emotions to the ground until we bury it so deep that we never knew we had serious doubts. Well I have been married for 21 years. Let me tell you we fall in and out of “love” with one another but we genuinely enjoy each others company and we laugh at each others jokes that we are still together. Don’t try to force the relationship, if it is meant to happen it will unfold naturally. The greatest indicator of a good relationship is if you have a lot in common. So if you and this girl have a lot of shared interests then you are bound to be doing things together. If not then this relationship is doomed if you do not develop an interest in her things or her in yours. Because then you are always doing things separately, and then you start to turn toward the next “love”.

But for people with ADD or ADHD this is the part where we struggle the most. For the most part we don’t have natural social filters so we are always unsure about how people really view us. Don’t fake interest in her and don’t try to force her to continue to be with you if she shows an interest in getting away. Nothing worse then looking so desperate that you try to morph into her ideal so that you can maintain this relationship. Then you end up angry and bitter when it fails. And remember that you were okay before this person came into your life and you will be okay after this person is gone. You are the best thing that ever happened to you and nothing is sexier to someone else then someone that is confident. Love yourself and find the good in you and then it will help you to develop relationships with people based on what you like to do even if you think people are going to think you are a loser for enjoying it. There are billions of people in the world and somewhere there is someone that enjoys doing what you do. And with the web this makes everyone your neighbour. And as a added comfort people in their nineties still fall in love and get married. So you are never too old to fall in love and you never know when you will find the “one” or “one hundred”.

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[Curlymoe115]

Yeah it is so me, and my spouse and our kids.

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[Curlymoe115]

I am a fantastic listener and a great problem solver. So when I am able to solve the problem I feel your sense of done. Now whether they decide to follow my advice is a different story, but I feel a done coming on every darn time.

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[Curlymoe115]

You say that you are in Ontario. If you go into Service Canada they have a computer test you can take called Choices that help you narrow down what you would be suited to do when you grow up. I’m 42 and still waiting. I had my own business for 2 years and established a Seniors Business. Not ideal for a workaholic but every day was different and I never got bored. I set my own hours and decided who to take as a client and what hours to work. The fact that I would leave the house at 6 am and return at 11 or 12 at night was my own fault. I did this job in London and there was lots of calls. When I moved back out west there was no way that in this much larger city I could do it. But I really enjoyed being the business owner but I could never find staff, most of my appointments were across the city from one another. So I just took on all the clients that called and set up as many appointments as I could fit in a day (more really but you see my point) and in the evenings I took my kids with me so that they had someone to watch them and I had some help. My husband worked 2 hours away and would only come home on weekends so that was when I would schedule the heavy jobs that he could help me with. So for 2 years our whole family life took place at the home of other people while we worked.

So if they won’t help you at Service Canada you could also try to community college where you are. They have guidance counselors who excel in helping people pinning down what to do. You probably need a job that is constantly changing. If you are a typical Combined then you need something that is going to keep you engaged for more then a few weeks. Or you could try to work through a temp agency so that you are always on the go. This way right around the time the job is starting to get boring you are on to the next opportunity. Also you may not be a morning person but perhaps your natural body rhythm may be for late day work. My husband really doesn’t get going for the first 2 hours he is up so he sets the alarm 2 hours before he needs to leave so that he has his “me” time. Maybe you need to find a job that is flexible about when you need to arrive and when you leave. I always leave half an hour early because I hate being late but for my hubby the only thing he has ever been early for was his birth. So I just tell him things are a half hour or more before they are so we arrive on time.

Also did you try the local chapter of Caddac for some low cost resources in the Brampton area. Maybe you can find a “buddy” that you can call when you feel like you are grinding your wheels and not getting anything done. And volunteer work is great that it can lead to a opportunity for employment. See if one of the larger pet centres in your area could use you on a part time basis to do what you are now doing for free. At this point you are probably better to start slow and build up some momentum when you find a good niche. This way you do not overwhelm yourself and further push yourself back to a feeling of despair.

Good Luck.

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[Curlymoe115]

And have you ever really found how much you have to search in the “organizer purse” when you aren’t organized. I just found the debit card in the car where it had fallen out of my coat pocket. I spend huge blocks of time searching for this stupid card and that is why I never carry cash or credit. But as an added bonus at least today I had my other debit card and it had enough on it to pay for my lunch, yeah me.

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[Curlymoe115]

Funny this should come up today because I went and bought a new organizer purse in December and a new wallet. So everything is great until I loaded it up with Canadian Tire money and for the nth time I lost my debit card again. So if I don’t find it today I will have to lug myself to the bank and get my 22nd card.

My hubby is really bad also for money in the pockets. So when I am frantically searching for cash for the kids whatever I start with his coats and pants.

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[Curlymoe115]

I can be very social in a comfortable situation. But I usually put myself to work. While everyone else is out chatting I am in the kitchen getting the dishes started. I love the noise and the flow as long as I have no need to be part of it. I hate large crowds so we usually socialize in the small house party setting and my husband cannot stand people in his space. When I do make conversation it is usually one person at a time. I also seem to invite confidences so I find out things about the person they would never tell the rest of the group. Then when they are keeping up with the Jones’ I am usually biting my tongue to stop myself from correcting them.

I have 2 close friends. One I have known since I was 10 (42 now) and the other I have known for 5 years. My friend of 32 years is a single workaholic and we catch up every few weeks. My other friend is a married mother like myself who feels overwhelmed by the responsibility of keeping everything together. So for the most part my role is to pick up the slack. But we usually get together every couple of weeks for a day of shopping and have a great time. She has dozens of “friends” but I am the one that she usually calls when she has a crisis because she knows that I either know what to do or will find out. It makes me feel in control of my out of control life. So we both win.

When we get together with her social circle the other women usually resent me because I don’t keep to social boundaries. When we go on cook-outs I bring food for my family that I know that they will eat. I don’t pack enough for 3 days so that we have 6 dishes that everyone can share. They are all trying to one up the other by bringing exotic dishes that they need to cook and has to be kept at a certain temperature. For 2 years I socialized with the one woman and because we were never really introduced I just called her bossy. We will have plans to go someplace and she will call the other couples (because they all socialize together constantly) and they will change the plan and we only find out once we get to the meeting place. For the Christmas get together I was able to finally talk my friend into a pot luck. I made a dish and put it in the crock pot and the first comment out of the other womens mouths was “is that all you brought”. There were 12 main dishes for 30 people. They made 25 cups of rice. More food then you would see on a buffet and still they wanted more. As it was the left overs would have filled a fridge. My husband was really offended on my behalf. He wasn’t feeling well and that made him want to leave right after we walked in the door. We did leave after 3 hours. On the 30th we got a call from my close friend that if we wanted to we could stop by Bossy’s house on New Years Eve. Unfortunately as gracious as the invitation was hubby had to work on the 1st. Had to decline.

So for our big New Years Eve celebration we just made chinese food, had cheese cake and were all tucked up for the night by 11 pm. It isn’t terribly exciting but we had a good time and we weren’t forced to do what anyone else wanted. Happy New Year to you all.

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[Curlymoe115]

Just imagine when they have children. If she has a ADD child with combined then is she going to tell people that her child does not have ADD. Combined is the child that is literally climbing the walls and will she not medicate because it isn’t real. Just let it go for now. Unless you want to quietly take her aside and tell her that you have been hurt by what she said and that you need her to educate herself before she starts diagnosing you. Then remind her that you have the back up of both the Psychology and Psychiatry departments at the place where you were diagnosed. Now if you do it in a non confrontational way that doesn’t feel like an accusation you could both end up with a better relationship. But for now just know that you are not “Lazy, Stupid or Crazy” and you have to work on your issues and not worry about hers. Or as my secretarial instructor used to say “Smile and Nod” it drives them crazy. Look forward to a bright future with a new family with at least a mother-in-law who is in your corner.

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[Curlymoe115]

I set the kitchen on fire a week after my parents sold the house. Rushing through everything so that I could surprise my BFF with a birthday dinner. I was making rice, put the pot on the stove to boil, had the blender on the burner because I had just finished making the cake, and walked away to do one of the hundreds of other things. When I came back in the kitchen 20 minutes later, the blender is on fire, with huge flames licking at the back of the stove and the wall and the door, and the floor. Turns out in my haste to do everything really fast I had turned on the wrong burner and that I was rushing around and not watching, what could have been a minor oops, got the new people a brand new kitchen. I am always leaving burners on, or the stove for hours after the stuff is out and eaten. Now my family razzes me about it. Once went to bed and I had thrown a tea towel up on the stove and my husband got up to get a drink in the middle of the night and saw it smoking. Luckily he was able to get it off before it starts a fire.

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[Curlymoe115]

My daughter was on Strattera. It took about 4 weeks for it to kick in but it works before this but that was when the dosage in her system really got going. She complained about the lack of emotion and such but it did help her to concentrate when she was on it. She was on it for about 2 years and her marks and everything really went up, and her compulsivity and distractedness went down. However she had been on a narcotic form of ADD medication before and she missed the highs and the lows so she stopped taking it.

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[Curlymoe115]

Facebook can be a great tool, but remember it is just a computer tool like anything else. I always think it is funny that someone that made a point of tormenting me in highschool and elementary want to reconnect with me. And they remember me fondly (although I doubt they remember me at all) and want to reminisce about the good times. I didn’t have a fabulous time in high school (at the time it seemed endless). I have always been great at amusing myself so I went out of my way to only do things I wanted to do. I didn’t get invited to any of the popular kids parties but most of my circle of friends (there were 4 of us) did get invited and did go. It meant a lot of weekends by myself but I am a great believer in “Better to be alone then wish you were” so I read one of my books and didn’t let it bother me too much.

Now that I am much much much older I can honestly say that I feel pretty good about my life. I am still married to a guy who thinks that I am the greatest thing that ever happened to him, my kids are healthy and I have a great many opportunities to make my life fun and fulfilling to my own standard. I go to the popular kids pages and they are mostly unhappy, most divorced and they are always trying to recapture that magic of the best time of their life, which is now 25 years in the past. So Ed2020 just think about the great things you have going for you now and know that having found this place the future is much much brighter then the past and these people are always going to be searching for someone who remembers how great they were in high school because for the most part that was the greatest thing that ever happened for them.

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[Curlymoe115]

So you have a rule follower. Maybe you should give her a time limit the next time and since she is 9 you could say you go to time out for x minutes and then you don’t have to remember.

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[Curlymoe115]

Talking about security why don’t you try that. Do you have an airport by you, the job changes constantly, there are not a lot of learning requirements, few written reports (unless there is a problem and you can always give your report orally to the supervisor or coworker to write) and it is fun to boot. Most of the time you will be given a route in the airport (and if you are like me you can use it to “watch” the people in the airport) and you are constantly on the move. These jobs are usually longer then your average office job so you get more days off to do other things, the airport usually pays well and it is a clean bright environment. And the personnel is constantly turning over so you get a new playmate quite frequently. There is also hospitals. They also require security guards, constant change and challenge and good pay.

I have had dozens and dozens of jobs. I liked doing pre-board screening at the airport because it was an ever evolving environment. You got to “watch” the passengers, got paid to poke around in their luggage and were constantly meeting and finding new co-workers. My problem is that this type of environment had a lot of rules and they were constantly coming up with new ones. But security at the airport doesn’t have the same rules and regulations as the screeners who vet you for the plane.

An office job is fine as long as you are in an ever changing environment. But once the rut rides in there is not a lot to make it fun. And if you are like me then you always find a petty co-worker who makes your life a living nightmare where you start to dread work. I love the challenge of a new place so that is probably why after about 9 or 10 months I start getting itchy feet and start looking for something new in an office. I also like to do the job fast and then I am bored when I run out of things to do. I come in an hour or two early if I know I am having a busy day and will stay until the job is done. Then the next day the day drags because there is nothing to do.

When I was in the Reserves as an Administrative Clerk I would come in, race through the work by just after lunch and then go home early instead of playing computer games with the rest of them. Probably why I never advanced in 5 years. Because they look at your hours not your accomplishments. My brain requires that I be busy, not necessarily by body. A challenge is like cat-nip and I am compelled to finish. I took my Life Insurance License. Got fantastic marks in class, did really well in the provincial exam and I have been a licensed agent for 5 months and have never been on an appointment. I hate trying to convince people to buy something that they don’t think they need. Everyone complained about how hard it was, I found it really easy in the areas that you could study. But I took the course through the company I joined not the College that teaches the course. So half of what was on the provincial exam was not covered in our course. That I find frustrating.

My reading and comprehension are great, I have a great difficulty in math and languages. The only math I excel at is money. So I can do anything as long as it will end up in dollars and cents. My brother is the exact opposite. He can do anything with numbers but has a really difficult time reading. He went and got his truck driving license and became a long haul trucker. Not great if you need a lot of physical activity but always a different place you are heading. Horrible for a person with a young family. He worked for a while as a garbage man (waste engineer) and now he drives a tow truck. Always something different, and your work determines your pay. And you are a hero to a lot of people so instead of negative comments a lot of the time they are flattering.

Hubby is also ADHD and he has a degree and graduate courses but now works as a construction labourer. He works in an ever changing environment, and he gets paid an incredible amount of money, with time and a half or double time after 40 hours. There is a great benefit package, but there can be a lot of lay off times during slow periods, there is no sick time and he is outside all day. He also worked as a taxi driver when he couldn’t stand being cooped up in an office all day. Again lots of different situations, new people and you set your own schedule. I also had my own company for 2 years in Ontario. Lots of work, but I couldn’t find anyone else to take up the slack and I was working 19 hours a day with the paperwork.

If none of these things appeal to you you can also go to the Canada Employment Agency. They have a Choices test that they can administer that will help you determine exactly where your interest lies. Good Luck. I am still trying to determine what I want to do when I grow up and I am 42.

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[Curlymoe115]

I have taken the test a few times and each time depending on how I am feeling I get different answers. Today I am ESFP but the other day I was a ISFP and before I was other things. I guess it has more to do with how I feel about what the question is asking and how I fit in then what the question is asking.

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