[dspicelady]

I have sooooo been where you are! For the last 18 years! My daughter and husband and I have ADHD. I have “walked her through” everything for years. I almost had a breakdown (truth? I DID have a breakdown) because I was so burned out over trying to remember where I put my damn car keys as well as managing every aspect of my daughter’s and husband’s life. I had to stop. It has been very hard. The teeth, the shower……it’s like you’re talking about my life. I remind them of things only rarely now. It’s their problem. My daughter almost didn’t get into college because of her procrastination on assignments in high school. Just today (after numerous reminders to bring her wallet in from the car), she had her wallet swiped. So…it’s gonna cost her. I guarantee she will not do it again. Because she will have to do all of the running around to replace her licence etc. If I had continued to be her checklist and reminder, she would never experience the required consequences. I only had to lose my debit card 14 times before I finally figured out to put it back in my wallet NOW! She will have to fall on her face before she learns to do what she needs to do.
We tend to take care of too much for our children with ADHD; and for obviously good reasons. I’m not suggesting allowing your child to walk into traffic, but maybe allow her to fail at something that’s important to her. She eventually will need to survive on her own. Little steps now may help that happen.
PS. My daughter had to have 12 cavities filled because she would forget to brush her teeth after going into the bathroom to do just that. She hates needles so much that she now brushes her teeth without me asking. As far as showering? Someone at school told her she smelled one day. Showers happen regularly too. The behaviours/routines have to get into their longterm memory. This happens more effectively when there is some emotional investment on their part.

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[dspicelady]

Update!
So after worrying so much, I found out that the one of the jobs has a few more perks than I had thought. I’m taking the one with less hours, but more of a future. It was a tough decision since I had been leaning toward the other job, but I will be working with people I respect (this wasn’t really the case with the other one).
So thanks again to everyone for allowing me to vent. Sometimes just writing it out and putting it out there can help clarify things.

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[dspicelady]

You sound like me. Just before I went to get help for this, I had tried to drive to my daughter’s friend’s house to pick her up. I drove past the street three times before realizing where I was. I had to reverse twice on the street because I kept driving past the house. I had been there many times before, so I can’t excuse it.
Now I realize that I just wasn’t aware. My brain was writing a shopping list, reliving an argument with my husband, planning the work schedule for our restaurant, trying to visual whether or not the iron was unplugged, listening to a song on the radio….I know you know what I mean. After several months of therapy and some lovely meds, I hardly ever do this. I always know where my keys are and am never late (well….almost never).
The more things I worried about, the less I was present in the moment. So in a sense, my ADHD got worse. But there have been many times when it has gotten better. The key is to figure out what triggers the “worse” and set up a structure/routine that will accommodate it. Work with it instead of against it. Does this make any sense?
AND…try to laugh about those “doh” moments. Because beating yourself up about them will only make things worse.
AND…check in to the forums regularly. This will help you realize that you are not alone.
I have been where you are. I cannot tell you what your future holds, but I can tell you that we’ll be here for you.

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[dspicelady]

@trashman. Thank you! You made my day for remembering me.

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[dspicelady]

@sdwa Thanks for posting the TED link. I laughed sooooo hard. It reminded me of myself and my brother. I was 2 yrs older than him (yes, I still am). The things we would do to each other…..knocked out his two front teeth (I’ll say it was an accident, but really when you tie someone up from the shoulders to the ankles and then try to convince them they can still run, it really isn’t an accident). I convinced him that since they were crooked anyways, I did him a favour because he could get new ones….which he did.

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[dspicelady]

I am so glad to be back with all of you wonderfully supportive and WISE people. I want you all to know that I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond. I have taken everything in and will let you know how it unfolds.

@kc5jck “Most people just let things happen to them” Guilty as charged. I don’t want to just let it happen to me. Not anymore. That’s why I’m struggling with the decision. Thank you for giving me so much to think about.

@sdwa I too achieve better results when I…1. procrastinate, 2. get in over my head and 3….forgot that one, sorry. but I also find that I no longer want to thrive on this form of stress. It worked for me when I was younger, but now I just can’t handle it as well. I experience extreme burnout when I function at that stress level for too long. I know I was reaching the end of my limits this past few weeks. I had even considered quitting full-time and just taking the last courses one at a time, before starting this last semester.
@ dithl Joined the group. Thanks for the support. I was told at my last evaluation that I should be in the schools. Unfortunately, in our board, you gotta know the right people and I don’t know anyone! But you never know what will present itself.
@larynxa My fingers are crossed for you! Let us all know how it goes with the job.

Thanks again everyone. I’ll be here lurking. Love reading all of the posts.

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[dspicelady]

@seabassd. #11. I’m working on that one all of the time. I find that I can forgive everyone but myself for making mistakes and being human. I hadn’t thought about it in a long time, but you’re right about people feeling more comfortable when I’m not beating up on myself. Thanks for the reminder.

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[dspicelady]

Ahhhh, Toofat….you know me well! I too, eat the same things for breakfast and lunch. Unfortunately, my hubby likes variety, so dinner is different evey day (but not weekly…monday=chicken, tues=pasta). I have found that strict routine in some areas is amazingly freeing.

PS. My socks are all gray!

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[dspicelady]

Rick,

I would be interested in a T-shirt that didn’t make ADHD look like a joke. I thought all of these slogans above were hilarious, but like Scattybird, would not wear something like “Squirrel!” I found some merchandise in support of autism. My favourite was “Neurodiversity”.

Just a thought.

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[dspicelady]

My daughter asked me today if we were a “normal” family because we don’t like getting together with extended family for the holidays. We have done it often in the past and ended up stressed, tired and miserable. My husband, my girls and I all have our own flavour of ADHD and so do some of our extended family (theirs undiagnosed). Sometimes I think it’s just impossible for all of us to have it, but the docs think otherwise. So the last couple of years, we’ve just done our own thing. The plan for this year is either Thai food, or my daughter’s fave- spaghetti, caesar salad and garlic bread and just the four of us (and our dogs) enjoying each others company. I can’t think of a better time. There are many definitions of normal, and I think if we are happy not being in a crowd, aren’t subjecting others to our discomfort, and celebrating being together as a family, then we are as normal as we need to be. And if the extended family doesn’t understand it, or has a problem with it? Too bad!

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[dspicelady]

I hear ya. $ seem like alot, however, if I add up how much my concerta will cost me over several years (not counting insurance) and therapy and assessment costs, etc. $6000 doesn’t seem like so much if it actually cures my ADHD. I am a pessimist by nature (unfortunately), but I can’t count anything out. Ang was asking for info, not judgements, and it was then implied that she might be some spammer just trying to advertise for this franchise.

Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Dr. Bernstein, are all franchises. Some people lose weight, some don’t, some are expensive and some aren’t so bad. All are based on sound theory. It doesn’t work for everyone, but it sure works for some!

I’ve even come across at least one franchise offering psychological assessments and treatment. It’s in Oakville, and another city I don’t remember. It’s super flashy and high tech, and guess what….expensive! But it offers many different experts so that whatever your psychological ailment is, they have it covered.

Franchises aren’t inheritantly evil. They are businesses. Even Dr. J’s clinic has to make money to employ the staff, etc.

I have no issue with anyone who chooses to pay whatever ($1? $100? $6000?) to try something different. Looking for hope for this sometimes debilitating disorder(?).

I say Ang, if you got it, and want to try it, good luck and keep us informed!

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[dspicelady]

For the record, I didn’t just join the site and I’m not selling anything, but I will definitely read the book, one I found, by the way is titled. ” Disconnected Kids” by Robert Melillo. I will never tell anyone that what they are interested in trying is useless worthless or wrong. Maybe there aren’t any studies or maybe they just aren’t sitting in front of us yet. All ideas that have been researched and studied and peer reviewed, started as an idea with no scientific backing.

I’ve read a bit of the book, and think it could be interesting. Where exactly is the problem in exploring other options? If trying this method works for someone, then great! If it doesn’t work for someone else, then that’s a shame.

It is common knowledge that not everything works for everyone, and some individuals have issue with meds (both for and against), some with therapy, exercise, the list goes on…

How can a group of people who are desperate for tolerance and understanding from this world, slam someone who simply came to this site asking if anyone has information on something?

Now I realize I’ve probably opened myself up for some bashing, but I don’t care. I’m going to give this theory (book) some thought and see if anything resonates. I might even try some the exercises. Who knows? I sure as shit am not going to tell someone what to do/not do for themselves.

Peace, people.

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[dspicelady]

When I was faced with the 36 or 54 option (36 being too little and 54 being too much), my doc said we could just do a 27 and an 18. It wasn’t a problem at all. Just a thought.

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[dspicelady]

@Toofat-When I first joined this site, I would read your posts and think….what the heck is this guy talking about? How can anyone be so calm and laid back? (Think of an squirrel on caffeine trying to understand the pace and focus of a tortoise). After a few months in therapy, I started seeing your posts as some kind of utopian view, if you will. You know, “nice place to visit”, but seriously I could never live like that. Even though I would seek out your thoughts on any given topic, and wish like crazy that I truly felt what you felt.

It’s been almost a year in therapy, and unbelievably, it’s starting to click for me. I do see that calmness in my life. I didn’t think it would ever be possible to follow my heart, as you often relay, but I am doing just that and the world is not collapsing around me.

I find myself reading your posts now with a knowing smile. It may sound “stalker-esk”? but you really have inspired me all this time. I so desperately wanted to see the world as you do, and I am getting there.

Thanks for hanging around.

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[dspicelady]

@Inlike-originally, I had a lovely response to your post, regarding how many of us on this site can most likely relate to you in regards to anxiety and anger (either as an effect of ADD or as a co-morbidity). Near the end of my response, I actually tapped a key on the computer and everything disappeared!

For the next few minutes I yelled some words, threw something, panicked that I wouldn’t remember what I had wrote (which I’ve forgotten most of) and then re-read your question.

I guess you can say I have a problem with anxiety and anger!

Before taking Concerta, I may have thrown the computer across the room, or freaked out on a family member for some ridiculous infraction, and possibly gone off the deep-end for days. With the meds, I still react, but in a slightly less destructive way and I get over it quicker. Often, I am able to “wait a beat”, and allow myself time to control it altogether. Depends on time of day, how much sleep i’ve had, weather, etc.

So, I guess I’m saying that meds can and do have a positive effect on my anger, but ultimately, I have to take control and use that moment, the pills give me, to react in a more appropriate way.

Hope this helps.

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