[Bettyboo]

Hi Lianne, wow I can hear the pressure you put on yourself to be someone, somebody, something, somewhere, sometimes. someday…etc . I truly believe when we are still (what am I thinking – just work with me on this), we take a direction that works for us in the meantime…in the meantime is safe and exciting (there is a future with in the meantime)…the key is to create a baseline (habit) so that you can feel success…one of the videos stated inorder to change low self-confidence is to experience success which creates better self-confidence. It has taken me a while or what I think is a while to say to myself…it’s okay to know the big picture and it’s okay to stop and realize I need help getting to the big picture. We are big picture thinkers and that is why it is hard watching everyone else achieve THEIR big picture and you not achieving any. We compare ourselves to non-adders and we can’t it is like comparing apples to veggies…not even close. Society puts us on a timeline which we have all taken on having ADD or not and because of that it dictates our self-worth…so let me ask you.

Who said you need to be married by 31? Do you want to be married?

Who said you needed to have a house by 31? Do you want a house? or Condo? maybe you want to live in a tent? What do you want?

Who said you have to have a career? Who said how much is enough education, money etc? What is good for you and you dog ?

And so many more questions….

What I’m trying to get it is that it starts with us and not what everyone else wants for us. We need to dictate what’s working for us and make the changes for us and not for someone else…we want to take on a persona to fit into an non-adders world and I it’s not possible…but I bet you if the non-adder could be as free thinking as we are then they would jump into to the ADD boat a long with all of us…but we may not all be in boats because I’m a little sea sick I could be on a plane or car or a train…I diverse. I hope you understand what I mean…take it easy on yourself. You will achieve…you have too much life not too!!

Be grateful for you – that is were the stillness comes from…keep us posted on “YOU”.

You have a lot of energy and excitement for life that is a lot more than many of us or anyone else…be proud of that and pat yourself in the back you deserve it and a lot of it.

Elizabeth

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[Bettyboo]

Hi, weight, organizing…all of that is not only an issue for those with ADD and non-adders. I’ve have a money issue I spend it as fast as I make it so knowing that I have decided one day at a time which leads to a full week with leads to another week and before I know I’ve actually accomplished something for a full month…and then you know…leads to a year…etc

I know that adders are big picture thinkers so we can already see the weight off, a organized desk, money saved in the bank 1 million dollars etc…we are great big picture thinkers. I have learned the the big picture thinker is okay and then I need to break it down to one day at a time, which leads to a full week…etc. I find that if I just think that i will only sustain it for a while then I’ve already self-sabatoged myself…that’s just no fun. If I miss up one day or one hour then I acknowledge that and keep moving…otherwise I know myself to well. This is what I say to my self “You did it again – who are you fooling” not very nice then I guarantee all the symptoms float to the top and I want to hide.

I have decided that it takes time and as hard as it is for me to weight I some how keep myself in tune with it because I know what the bigger picture looks like which reminds me of what I want. It’s all practice…sometimes we get it sometimes we have to practice some more…Happy Practicing!!

Good Luck on today,

Elizabeth

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[Bettyboo]

I’m not really sure but It could be the combination of both or just add…my suggestion is to talk that over with your doctor. I did realize that I went on a tangent with my post but really what I wanted to get across was that it is important to stay on top of what you want to accomplish by educating those around you on what you need otherwise you are left a lone to tackle it…and it can be over-whelming and a self-defeating experience. There is always a fine line to educating everyone because you might find they micro-manage you and it becomes frustrating for you but yet they want to be supportive.

Hope this helps

Elizabeth

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[Bettyboo]

Hello DebbieEhm and Brian…since Brain agreed with me on a earlier forum I would have to agree with him on his post. I have a life coach I use and I’m able to work through what it is that I’m feeling. Counseling isn’t the only aspect of what it is that you need to do but surrounding yourself around good positive supportive people is essential to feeling good otherwise we can tair ourselves apart (I’m such a bad speller and my vocabulary suffers because of it) quite easily. I have great friends and a wonderful husband who supports me.

Brain, Brain…boy do I hear you on the money…I can make it quickly and I can spend it just as fast…drives me crazy and everyone else around me. I don’t trust myself and now I’ve been labeled implusive money spender and I hate it because I feel that know matter what I try to do to change my attitude towards money I get shot down everytime…it is almost like they are all waiting for me to screw up. I’m pretty stuborn but I tend to screw up with money more then anything else in my life. I wish there was a forum just on money alone. I’m trying out a new strategy (very darn good at problem solving-implementing a little different) and that is I calculated what I had to have in the bank to pay bills fixed expenses and some options (hair cut etc) as well as savings for the futher and any trips. I then calculated what out of pocket or cash I used during the week and figured out what I would need everyday and I came up with an equal amount from Monday to Thursday and realized Friday and Saturday I spend usually more so more money goes into those days. When I’m out of cash that is it; however, if I have any extra money it goes into my 8th envelope which I call the “bonus” envelop I’m opening a tax free savings account for the savings and and my bonus envelop.

So today I had $50 and I only used $20 get $30 into bonus… obviously I don’t have a life on Saturday but I spent all my money on Friday and I had to go into my bonus envelope – didn’t like that. Do i know if this is going to work…it has been 8 days and so far so good…so i’ll go until I come up with something better or it doesn’t do what it needs to…I not someone who sabatoges myself so I know that it will really have to be that it doesn’t work for me. I would really like to figure out why i’m so impulsive. I have to work really hard at not spending money…i do want to save…honestly.

I’m hoping that works for you and Debbie get that phone hooked up and get your life to where it needs to be because you will feel much better about everything.

Elizabeth

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[Bettyboo]

Hello Susan, I’m not really sure how to answer the med questions but I can tell you that if you are on the right medication that depending on what your day is like and what time you take your meds it shouldn’t affect your sleep. A great example for me would be I’m exhausted today only because I took my meds later in the day. yesterday I took quick release ritalin and then concerta at 1 pm. I actually forgot to take it but I knew that I was going to have a late night…I had a soccer game at 10:30 pm and knew that we would be going up to the lounge for a drink and that I probably would be home at about 1 am and that I would need about an hour relax and then be tired enough to go to bed. Yah who was I kidding!! I couldn’t for the life of me fall asleep…and I was very tired. So today as much as I’m feeling focused and coherent…I’m exhausted and I’m working harder then normal to focus. I’m from out west and it’s 10 pm and by 11 pm I’m going to bed to catch up on sleep…I will have a much better day tomorrow because I took my meds earlier today. so if you see a post later than 11 pm alberta time then I’m having trouble sleeping…and make a comment on that.

As for your doctor I would research to see if there is a doctor who can prescribe and you can still use your psychologist for support because that is absolutely important. I don’t think a psychologist can prescribe. Have a great evening!

Elizabeth

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[Bettyboo]

I guess the hardest thing I have had to confront is that I wasn’t recognized as having adhd as a child and only until I was 44 did I realize only because my oldest wasn’t doing well and then I didn’t recognize that my girls had it and so I feel horrible about what I didn’t know which I still feel that if I knew earlier in life that maybe I wouldn’t be divorced today, maybe I would have completed my university degree, maybe my girls wouldn’t be left out for birthday parties, maybe they wouldn’t have been put into a special class, maybe I would been able to help my children, maybe I could have stood up to the bullying from childhood to my first marriage to the educational system that didn’t recognize anything or just told me that most single moms have this difficulty with ther children…feed them better…I can still feel the guilt as to why did I divorce their father…I could have lived through the abuse…who am I kidding!!.

I don’t have the answers to what could have or not have been and really don’t even want to go there anymore. I know that my guilt is minimized but now what i’m up against is family – my sister doesn’t think we have adhd, her son really doesn’t have it and that doctors/teachers don’t allow for creativity or room for individuality…it doesn’t matter that we are all doing 10x better but no acknowledgment…I get “well you still interupt me” I keep trying to explain that the meds are for my brain I still have to work on my behaviour…I know that I have stopped wanting to be normall or have to worry that someone is going to notice something different. My ex-husband now is upset that I’m pumping med’s into my girls…they are 22/19 years old and can make there own decisions…they do not want to get off of it…they are stuggling with changing the disruptive patterns and habitis of being undiagnosed has created.

Today it has been 6 months and I’m happier and a lot more comfortable with myself and with experience and time my girls will recognize what they need and will make the decision to change those habits for the better. we all know are brain is at peace and that there are skeptics out there with many different ideas about how to cure adhd the natural way…and well whatever I’m tired of hearing that it’s not real, or it is all about trauma in the womb and that it is about the pharmacutical companies wanting to make money…There going to make money off of me for as long as I live and I’m okay with that because I’m better person because of their so called greed.

I’m a much better half full glass women, mother, wife, lover…etc and I’m pretty darn funny…you really haven’t noticed in these forums but I sure do have a funny bone and finally I’m cool…I hear all the time compared to feeling like a lost child.

I think that’s enough seriousness…what do you think.

Elizabeth

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[Bettyboo]

Hello Marg, i can absolutely relate to you and it drives me crazy as well. I find that the meds help and creating habits like not sending out an email chout before i’ve read it over at least twice. I don’t know how much you have read but there is a greater-than average that you have add and dsylexia…it can come hand in hand. I believe that there is 75% that a learning difficulty is part of the add. I would have to say to you first is check your med’s first…you could be on the wrong dosage or I would say talk out loud to yourself as well. It drives my family and assistant crazy but at the end it helps out our organization. I’m self employed and I have an excellent assistant who manages me beautifully…she will let me know when I have toooo much on my desk as well as if I’m doing to much at one time. I would suggest that you create a team environment so that someone can look over it or just remind you to slow down or let you know that you have to much on the go or even if you are being inattentive. One of my daughters is inattentive and my other daughter and I are hyper/inattentive…I have to remind my inattentive daughter that she is being inattentive and then she pops out of it and sometimes she is ready to kill me because she feels picked on. It is a fine line and I’m getting better at speaking with her about it. Hyperactivity I find difficult because I’m running like a motor…yuck!! I have to really watch both of us…if I start cleaning the house I can clean it from top to bottom be obssesive about it and drive everyone crazy. I really feel sorry for my inattentive daughter because everyone says she can be spacey and I know it bothers her and I have to really watch I don’t say something that isn’t nice because she doesn’t have passion like my other daughter and I have…I want to be excited and hurry it up so that we can get out the door…usually we are waiting for her. She has gotten better though…I hope this help.

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[Bettyboo]

Well, I thought that Dr. Mate theory is interesting; however, I really didn’t feel that he created a solution itt is just basically a theory. When I was diagnosed with add a long with my children, it was explained to us that ADD doesn’t change who we are it supports our brain. So, I believe that at the end of the day everyone has symptoms that resemble ADD not all of them have it. It could be the survival skills they need while growing up in a dysfunctional family…and aren’t we all raised in some sort of dysfunction whether we were directly involved or we indirectly some how experienced it. How we dealt with it is totally individual. We are multifaced human beings and there is no possible way that our care givers (parents etc) could have taped into every emotion that we had or need resolve with.

Trauma in a young person life is very difficult and changes who they are to grow up to be. ADD is a genetic disorder…to me (again to me only), I know how I internally struggled with it…no one knew but me how I felt. I looked under control on the outside but on the inside I was fighting with everything. I know that my girls were feling that way as well. Medication is for my brain and if my brain could talk it would say “thank you for giving me peace.” I’m still the same person I was but now I’m organized, focused, and attentive. I’m able to understand the dysfunction I grew up with much better and I’m not playing such a victim role. I’m not perfect and I do have bouts of instibility but doesn’t everyone…am I nuts or is every one happy happy all the time. I don’t believe so. I’m grateful for the medication and now I have to combine behavioural thearpy with it so that I can be the best person that “I WANT” to be not what any one, society, or media dictates me to be. I’m working on myself, and I have to allow my children to recognize what they need to be the adults they want to be…not what I want or anyone else…just what they want.

When I listened to dr. Mates i realized that my thoughts and feels are being devalued and that I’m not being heard…once again let’s not deal with the issue. If ADD was cancer would we make the same excuses…I have ADD, my children have ADD, my 1st cousin has ADD, her son has ADD, my nephew has ADD, my other cousin has ADD…I did not go through any tramatic birth nor did any of my relatives. I came from a dysfunctional family my children did not…so how does that work now Dr. Mates.

Enough skeptics, enough wanting to change who we are, enough fighting your brain…please be excepting of ourselves and work towards being the best person you can be for yourself and only yourself…have faith in yourself. If medication is what you need to control ADD, depression, or cancer then take it because it helps you be the best YOU. Take care of yourself as well…eat well, exercise, coaching, counselling what ever works but please stop beating yourself up because you have ADD.

This is so hard for me to hear and it has me wanting to not be part of forums, organizations etc…I want to look at ADD as a gift and the goodness of what I can create for myself and those around me not the evil that was created on me. I’m for the medication and my good health.

I have add and I’m loving it.

These are my views without judgement

Elizabeth

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[Bettyboo]

Hello ladies and Mike…on my last post about 2 weeks ago I was due for a period and here are the result…very little PMS this month. I wasn’t as tried or spacey as normal, but I have to say 4 days before I had no ambition and I found myself working really hard to stay focused on getting my body moving. So…since I have been on meds (july) this is the most normal I have felt that is comparing myself to before I was diagnosed. I’ve always have had difficult with PMS since have the uterine cancer…but sure felt much much better. I know that the meds are feeling better for me as well. I’m on 72 mls of concerta. I will keep you posted on next month…I didn’t take anyone’s head off nor did I feel like I needed. People this month will stay alive around me….oh that actually is nice because isn’t February the month of love…LOL. Elizabeth…until next month.

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[Bettyboo]

Oh my I got it…Veronica and good for you for actually writing it and staying on track. You’re absolutely right – my husband always felt frustrated and not valued because I never pulled the same dice as him even though I wanted to and he knew I wanted to but could never figure out what was the matter and I think he began to give up or just excepted it for just being me. I believe, Vernoica that the key is education, communication, comprise and understanding…that will help non-adders understand why it isn’t as simple as they see it in their minds. I truly believe that our partners, friends, lovers, families coleagues don’t want ill will towards us as they want to be able to understand how to complement our strengths and not feed our weaknesses.Who wants drama in their lives all the time…life is far too short for that. I have to believe that however…Im not nieve to the fact that we do have individuals in our lives who live off of disfuction and push our buttons continually. Medication allows us to pull the same dice as our counter part approximately 80% of the time (I’m not a dr…read this stats on the web); but it doesn’t change who we are…it is up to us to acknowledge the behaviours that work for us and adjust accordingly…we still have to do the work for ourselves. I believe that we then complement ourselves which in turn complements our family etc.

How’s that for Valentine’s Day!!! Happy Valentine’s Day to all the wonderful men and women on this site…hopefully you pull the right dice today…Good Luck (if cheating helps hey go for it all in fun)

Elizabeth

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[Bettyboo]

Rick you are right about the A&&hole comment…I’m realizing today that there are some people that I don’t know why I’ve kept them in my life…they are a&& holes. I can actually hear what they are saying and their intent before I used to say oh it’s just them and laugh…now I’m realizing it’s not funny and not nice. They are toxic people and I have slowly removed them. The medication has enhanced my already good social skills to the point that I’m able to focus on one person and find out more about them then telling them all about me…much better. I find I actually am having more intelligent, focused conversation with people and then deciding whether I agree or disagree instead of blurting…I do/don’t agree within seconds or even interupting. Like it myself much better – foot hasn’t been in my mouth as often…thank God for that!!

As for Dig4dave, I guess I wonder if you feel great when you take the meds is there a reason why you don’t take them everyday so that you feel great everyday. My understanding of the brain chemistry is that it never changes so when you take the meds it allows the neurotransmitter to connect properly and do what it is supposed to. It doesn’t change your personality it enhances your capibilites of that already wonderful personality. So with no meds the brain goes back to misfiring with the neurotransmitters so I’m no doctor but I wonder if your doctor has explained how the brain works with our without meds. Or, maybe what your doing just works for you and if it does…beautiful keep what your doing.

Just a thought, Elizabeth

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[Bettyboo]

Fearwidg…well that’s funny…you make me laugh out loud 4 out 100…I guess I shouldn’t be laughing…but at least it’s a record. hahahaha!!! please take the comment with humour

On a school note…I was in grade 5 and I couldn’t spell…my first language wasn’t english and vowels were tough for me especially since the letter “i” is pronounced as “e” in portuguese and the teacher would make me write out the words I misspelled out 100 times then in a sentence 100 times. I hated him – funny I can’t remember his name but I remember what he looked like. My parents didn’t speak English and they were immigrants they worked all the time they didn’t know how to help me. School was horrible…I really hated it especially since I didn’t know I had ADHD and back then they just put you into a modified program. However, today my favourite is learner everything and anything…still a bad speller. My sister and I make a joke about who is actually the worse and will test each on spelling words just for fun.. Morbed…but fun! Elizabeth

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[Bettyboo]

Hi Henriette, I’m on concerta (72 mls) and I don’t have any side affects. In the beginning I had a belly ache and dry mouth, but not anymore. I love it and it has worked very well for me. I can control when i take it as it is a slow release. I do take Ritalin in the morning or the evening depending on how long my day will be as concerta is a 12 hr slow release and for me it lasts that long if not maybe 13 hours so the Ritalin just supplements what I need.

3 months ago concerta (36 mls) wasn’t working for me so I did change to Ritalin to give it a try and it made me feel gittery, unfocused and I was aggitated more often…couldn’t hold a topic very fwell and I felt I couldn’t stay on track for long. I went off of it immediately and back on concerta on a high dosage (72mls) where I am today and it made a huge difference. I felt and still feel like myself.

I know that generic brands don’t always work the same so be very aware if you are trying something new always ask for the real meds instead of generic until you understand how you are feeling on the “real” stuf.

Hope this helps

E

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[Bettyboo]

Dada_rat, it is really tough when breaks up happen…make sure you are taking your medication so that you are feeling “somewhat” balanced. Keep yourself busy…go for a work out, walk, get fresh air do something to not be thinking about it every minute of the day…it’s tough and otherwise it will eat you up. acknowledge her and acknowledge your feelings – with “I” statements ex: I’m sad, I’m frustrated, I feel sick… and for now just acknowledge the situation. this sucks. I would say avoid making any rash decisions….I don’t know your full situation, but what I do know is that as much as this hurts 5 hrs ago it can get better if you acknowledge yourself first – how you feel: mentally, physicaly…take care of yourself first even though you want to do anything and everything to get her to come back.. I truly believe take responsibility for your actions, thoughts and beliefs because you can’t take responsibility for her thoughts, beliefs and actions – there here’s and she walks in her own shoes and you can’t walk in hers…you both need your own shoes>

Hang in there you will be fine….breath, breath breath….

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[Bettyboo]

Hi I have owned my own business for 5 yrs now and I don’t think I could work for someone else. I was diagnosed with adhd 7 months ago and medicated and what a difference it has made to my focusing, organizational etc skills needed to run a successful growing business. In the last 1.5 yrs though I have been working it full time because part time wasn’t cutting it anymore it was interfering with my steady pay cheque job and I had to make a decision. It wasn’t hard decision as I hated working for someone else. I have finally been able to take a larger wage now then last year and I’m feeling it is because I have been more attentive to what the business needs to do to grow. I have 2 office with an assistant in each of them I have one administrator who does all my marketing, newsletters or coorespondence out of office..best thing I’ve ever done. I’ve also been aware that I need to reduce the time spent on unproductive activities so recently I have started (2 month now) to write down everything. That means, when I get to the office, go the bathroom, talk to a client, on the phone, personal or business. It has a start time and a finish…do I do it everyday no sometimes I forget half way in day or I miss a couple of activities. I still know more or less what happened that day and I have to tell you it normally is because I’m tired, over worked myself, didn’t get enough sleep, depressed, haven’t eaten, unhappy family members, unhappy client or doing something boring. So it helps me rethink what’s going on…I love it. A tool I learned from my doctor was to write all my ideas done and keep writing them and from there he said to move them to a “this year”, file “next year” file or “longer than that” file. I didn’t have the patience to move them into different files so I coloured coded them in my binder. Red is “longer than this year & next year” , Yellow is “next year” and Green is “this year”. I’ve already crossed off some of the this year and added a few more. I changed a few of the this years to next year and actually brought in a “longer than this year and next” because I had some assistance. for me so far it feels right and works at least for today…we’ll see what monday looks like and so forth.

These are some of the habitsI’ve created and since then I’ve recognized bad habits that are important to work through and create better habits. However, I’ve also made more money, reduced my expenses, created more profit and added more happy clients. On a realistic note…I’m always working on myself and better ways of making money on a short time span…I still fail however, life without failure has no success. Hope this helps!!

Elizabeth

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