[ashockley55]

“If they want you to draw pictures, I have some suggestions for that as well.”

That is awesome! Thank you for making me smile.

And the public school nurse! Yes! Thank you!!

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[ashockley55]

@kc5jck – only an 86? Awwwwwww. lol.

@carsonky – thanks for letting me know I’m not alone on this. Jeans ARE uncomfortable if you are overweight. I have muffin top over mine. If I find jeans to fit my waist, there is a bunch of material in the back where my rear end should apparently be (I guess if you have a certain circumference waist, they expect you to have a certain amount of butt to balance it out? And don’t get me started on the different rises. I used to go with mid-rise, then I got one that comes up and over my muffin top closer to the belly button, but then my muffin top just lifts up and pours over and pushes the jeans back down, and the jeans cut into me and hurt. It’s a problem.

@munchkin – wow. I’m in a creative writing program right now. That is crazy that you guessed that! I recently got my first publication.

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[ashockley55]

When you’re reading a topic, up at the top there’s a blue circle with a white star in the center and next to it some text that says “Add topic to favorites.” Click on that, then when you sign in, click “my profile” in between “welcome…” and “logout.” It should be listed there. It will also tell you when the last reply occured. Hope that helps!

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[ashockley55]

Everything in me wants to beg you not to go the route where you have your daughter bribe the students with treats. I would much rather her tae kwon do them to hades.

I used to be a teacher. Just so you know, teachers sometimes feel helpless too. When I heard my students calling names like “beaner” for a hispanic student, I would write them up and send them to the principal’s office, but absolutely nothing was done.

Nothing is done until someone kills themselves or others. Sometimes, not even then, because a lot of schools are so busy with lip service instead of action.

It really burns my hide.

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[ashockley55]

anniea – yes, same thing here. If someone tries to “help” it ends up shooing the word that I want further away…

and Bellamom, it gets worse when I get nervous, too. I tend to get tongue-tied and put mixed words and phrases together for some interesting combos, trying to force myself to say *something*

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[ashockley55]

Yes, yes, yes and yes. This is me. Not a like of motivation, but a lack of getting started, a lack of movement. YES to the invisible force holding you back thing.

I get frustrated because I think most mental health professionals, with me, have seen this as depression. It really isn’t! I don’t know what it is.

I guess….it’s ADD?!

oh, and….which video are ya’ll talking about?

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[ashockley55]

I do the same thing. Usually on simple words like “hat” or “shelf.” I call a LOT of things “doo dad.”

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[ashockley55]

I don’t know that I have a problem with memory. I’m not sure. I did okay in school, though I had a really hard time with my multiplication tables, remember thoughs. I wasn’t very good at math or science. My strong suit was English. I think having a narrative helps me remember stuff.

I made it through high school and college, but had a nervous breakdown (literally, like, hospitalized) in grad school. There was some other stuff going on, but, yeah, the rigors of academia got to me. Taking the GRE, I became so frustrated and impatient that, about 45 minutes into it, I started marking “A, C, D, C” just to get out of there ASAP.

I don’t remember a whole lot that I learned in grade school. I remember more personal things, not anything I learned per say. Clearly, I was educated, but, yeah, I don’t remember a lot of stuff other people seem to have retained from school.

I also had a pretty traumatic childhood, so I remember those events pretty clearly.

I think there are a lot of factors behind ADD that go into memory.

Looking into possible learning disorders seems like an option, just to find out.

Probably one part of it is your brain has a hard time paying attention, so, if you can’t pay attention, how in the world can you recall? It’s not there to recall.

I’m just thinking and guessing – I don’t really know!!

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[ashockley55]

Again, thanks so much guys!! I feel a lot less dejected with ya’ll’s support. Time to pull up my boot straps and lace ’em once more.

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[ashockley55]

So…..in further disappointment.

I was supposed to see the therapist today. Two hours before my appointment, just as I was getting undressed to take a shower, my phone rang and it was someone from the psychiatrist/nurse/therapist/etc.’s office. I prayed to myself “Please don’t let them be calling to cancel my appointment.” But sure enough, that’s what happened. They realized that BCBS Medicare doesn’t allow me to see their therapist. I have to see an LSW (liscensed social worker) instead. So, they cancelled the appt. with the therapist and scheduled me an appointment with their LSW for March 8th. Another week.

While I had whoever/receptionist on the phone, I explained that I was interested in medication, so I wanted to see whoever I needed to see and be assessed or take whatever steps I needed to take to look into that. The woman asked, “Did you tell (the nurse you saw last week) that?” I don’t remember what I answered, but she put me off, telling me that “if” I want to look at medicine, then I can make an appointment with (the nurse I already saw last week – um, what’s the point?) after I meet with the LSW.

Yeah, that’s the same nurse that was already in gear to put me back on another anti-depressant. Why?? I’ve already said it doesn’t help!! No thank you.

I feel like giving up on this place, and trying again somewhere else. But I will have to pay out the wha-zoo, and what if the same thing happens? What if I fail again (apparently, I failed) at communicating why I’m there?

I go in with an agenda, but, then, of course, they have their procedure, and their own line of questioning, and it just puts me off track of my objective.

I keep re-assessing, trying to figure out how I got put off onto a therapist/counselor/liscensed social worker with a diagnosis of “Mood

Disorder NOS,” no follow-up appoitments with a doctor, no follow-up assessments, and no medication.

I know that I iterated that I was “fine” without the anti-depressants and mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics I had been on before, but what I meant by “fine” was “not bipolar.” Not “hunky dory” fine.

So dejected.

I’ve already paid this place $40

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[ashockley55]

Congratulations on your diagnosis! Isn’t that kinda weird? ha ha, that we congratulate each other on our diagnosis, but, after struggling for so long feeling stupid, etc. it really is an achievement, especially with what all we have to go through to find someone to hear us and not dismiss us or misdiagnose us. I’m in the middle of that now, trying to get someone to hear me, so I’m happy for you that you got someone to hear you. Also, I’m learning from every time I read about someone getting diagnosed that a specialist really does seem to be the way to go. It seems that many psychiatrists are trained to see nearly every other psychiatric diagnosis in an adult man or woman before they see ADHD.

Anyhoo, congrats, and I hope you continue to make much progress and have many more revelations come your way.

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[ashockley55]

These are great!

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[ashockley55]

Yes, YES! This is how I feel exactly. I’m so glad you have some hope. I’m looking for some hope, too.

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[ashockley55]

Thanks so much for your support, advice and help ya’ll!!! I really do appreciate it. I feel so much better getting support here after my disappointment yesterday. Also, it helps not to feel like I’m crazy for feeling so disappointed!

My medicare plan through BCBS restricts what doctors I can see, and there were only two preferred providers to choose from in the book. I think at this point I would be willing to pay extra to see someone that can really give me an assessment for this! I mean, I payed $40 for yesterday, and didn’t feel like I got much accomplished, other than maybe getting a counselor I can speak to, and hopefully that will work out (the nurse did say the counselor specializes in “children with ADD, so she has a lot of knowledge”).

I don’t really know anyone around here well enough to go in with me and advocate for me, unless it was maybe my boss, who is kind of like a surrogate mother for me, lol. (Have I told ya’ll my nickname at work is Squirrel?) And she would go with me, I’m pretty sure, so maybe that is an option. Just today she held my hands and looked me in the eyeballs mothered me about another situation, lol.

We’ll see. I’ll keep trying, through all the frustration. Just hearing ya’ll advocate for me here and support me has really helped.

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[ashockley55]

My appointment got cancelled at the last minute! Thank you for asking, Robert. It was rescheduled for next Wednesday. The PA called in sick. So, now I’m looking forward to next Wednesday!

And munchkin, it really is funny – frustrating and funny, both!

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