[powcat]

quizzical, you are hilarious. <3

I’m so specific about lights and noise. at my old job the boss would turn the light off in the office when it was hot (it was a store with a little office with a computer in the back) and it drove me crazy. I need there to be lots of light everywhere for me to be productive and focused. in the evening though when I’m relaxing and getting ready for bed I only have a few lights on.

I love my apartment in every way except that it’s in a basement (so I can afford to live on my own, ha) and I only have one little window. so I have many lights on all day long. recently (a couple of months ago) I bought a bunch of full-spectrum bulbs to replace the other ones – however, in typical procrastination fashion, they are still lying unpacked somewhere in a pile on my desk. (plan is to get through it this weekend!)

in my bathroom, the main light only works together with the fan – which is SO noisy, that I only use the little lamp or a night light in the bathroom. I should talk to my landlord about it…..

I always allowed myself to be very specific about light and not worry about wasting it, because I know it’s good for your mood. however now, I’m constantly adjusting music volume – or asking friends to do so – or I might tell my employer that I can’t listen to jazz while working (I just can’t! it’s too damn meandering!). there seem to be different kinds of audio stimuli I require depending on the situation, and I am happy when I let myself be in tune with that.

you guys are all so funny and great, keep it up.

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[powcat]

thanks guys for cheering me on! my boyfriend (of a few months) and I broke up yesterday and now I have no plans for the remainder of the weekend. and though I feel kind of sad and empty, I’m actually relieved to have this time and quiet to clean and tidy my apartment before school starts back up, a long-time project that never seems to move forward more than a few inches at a time (I still have boxes of books unpacked from when I moved here in December.) contacted some girlfriends. cooked a big meal today (motivated to eat whole and healthy, at least for now). ON TOP OF THE DISHES, which is huge. my boyfriend, yesterday morning, washed all my dishes yesterday morning to help me out…. I will miss that part.

the thing that’s been working for me: every time I need a dish and it’s not clean, I wash that dish, plus 3 more from the sink. or 5 more, or 10 more, depending on how much time I think I can spare. but 3 dishes actually takes very little time, guys! and it adds up, if you wash more dishes than you use. also, my new rule is, if it just needs to be rinsed, I rinse it out right away – saves space in the sink, saves hassle.

the whiteboard I hung up in the kitchen is working well too. now my to-do list (not my grand to-do, just the most immediate stuff) is right there in front of me. I cross stuff out as it gets done and I don’t actually erase it until I make a list for the next day. that way I see that I got stuff done!

thanks again to everyone for posting in here and encouraging each other. there’s no other place with support like this.

LAKELLY: I hope you feel better soon and figure stuff out. take care of yourself. by the way, calling an ambulance and calling your doctor took effort and motivation and self-care so high-fives for that!! PS: I am only 24 and I take 3 pills every day to feel like myself. ain’t no thaaanngg.

QUIZZICAL: good luck! let me know how it goes. trying to work out the chores thing myself right now! remember guys, little steps, little steps.

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[powcat]

thank you for the links, I will check them out!! my sleep/awake/energy cycle goes exactly like you described, ND – before I started on Concerta. I struggled with that for 8 years; anti-depressants didn’t help either. so now I’m on anti-depressants and stimulants and it seems to be going okay. timers though! yes. timers make my life happen. cheers everybody. enjoy your long weekend.

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[powcat]

WGREEN: so true! and so sad how this happens; how hard it is to control.

I feel for all you guys! everything you say resonates with me.

NO DOPAMINE: I saw you post in the high-five thread about a 15-minute timer? timesheets? is there a website or something you use? hook me up please! timers seem to be key to life… but sad that I constantly have to jolt myself out of activities/mind states in order to switch up and start something new.

and I totally agree with you about going to sleep! it seems boring; it’s the hardest thing to turn off the computer at night to be quiet and still. what I started doing is I will leave the radio on very quietly on a timer (so it turns off on its own) or I will put on a video online (one I’ve seen before, or something like the Daily show, that won’t be too exciting and I can nod off to it). this has been helpful. when my boyfriend is there, I don’t have to do that, though.

I’m very into the internet. I constantly have it on, almost always have TV shows on – sometimes it does help me focus as I go along doing daily activities, sometimes I will sit and start watching the shows, and then hours go by. lots of needless research, lots of looking for music and making playlists and organizing my music. organizing my photos. planning! lists!

what helps sometimes is to visualize blocks of time as a physical thing, like a box. like, I ONLY have from 12-2 to have lunch; at 2pm it will be time to do laundry, get groceries, etc.

how do people follow schedules? I love making up schedules and lists, budgets, but how do you stick to it?

meds help with more regular sleep though, for sure. before meds I would stay up half the night regularly and then sleep half the day. you miss your life that way!!

about news: I find I kind of avoid most of it altogether. does anybody else do that? I just feel exhausted once I start reading about world issues. if it’s something big, I will go and read about it. I also listen to the radio now, which requires less energy; sort of passive knowledge. but other than that, I don’t go out of my way to follow daily events. kind of makes me feel dumb sometimes when talking to friends.

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[powcat]

You guys are all amazing! I can’t imagine taking care of kids (up to three different kids!) and being married and having a household, some of you working full-time and long hours. High-fives, for real!! I have trouble enough just taking care of myself, while living alone and not working. (though my kitty always gets the best care.)

next Tuesday I go back for my final year at university and I am freaked. there’s so much I planned to get in order before I go back; it’s really important to me that I buckle down and focus this year, and actually enjoy the work. (I study fine arts.) yesterday I FINALLY got the ball rolling on my student loan application (way overdue and now I’m stressing about money), made a grocery shopping list (though ran out of time to do the shopping), and made an appointment with an optometrist (something I’ve put off for about a year).

so much still to do, while balancing the relationships in my life. wish me luck, I could use it!

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[powcat]

Hey Sugargremlin!

You sound a lot like me. I thought I was the only one who spaced out on the toilet! In the shower, though,

I listen to music now – mostly to help me actually get in there (it’s too boring otherwise and I avoid it) but I think

it helps keep me on task, as well.

Generally, guys, music helps sometimes! I’m finding I need different kinds of audio stimulation depending on what I’m doing. I don’t have it quite figured out yet, but there are definitely some songs that instantly get me going in the morning, while others do nothing. So I am wanting to make some playlists for various times of day or something… My doctor says it has something to do with brain waves!

Actually, this is how I’m putting myself to bed now, too: I turn on a TV show online really quietly or I put on some talk radio and program it to turn off after a bit. I still struggle with that decision, but it’s a lot easier now usually.

I’ve got a lot of anxiety too, but the way that stimulants seem to work is actually the opposite of what we expect; they stimulate certain peripheral parts of our brain, allowing our main focus to rest on the task at hand. I’ve been on Concerta for about 5 months now; what I’m finding is that it is easier to shift my focus from one task to the next, that it’s easier to tell myself, “I don’t have time for that right now” or “it’s not important to do that right now” and avoid wasting time like that, that I am able to stay awake and keep going all day long! (Used to take a nap every day for an hour if at all possible.) I quit smoking (because I’m pretty sure I did it out of boredom, while walking or waiting), and instead of drinking 3-5 cups of coffee a day I’m now down to 1 or 2!

My anxiety is still pretty bad though sometimes. Getting enough sleep, and specifically at night, is so completely important – though it’s hard to remember that when I’m in the middle of some fun, meaningless activity at midnight. But I really find that my ADD is a lot worse when I haven’t slept enough – more spacey, more irritable. The last few weeks have been extra busy for me, and I literally found myself in the middle of the subway station a couple of times with my thoughts racing, just UNABLE to make a decision about the best route to take and which activity to tackle in which order. It was scary!

I know deep breathing helps a lot, but again it’s such a boring-seeming solution, that I haven’t gotten into this habit. But when I can remember that I can just sit for a minute, without doing ANYTHING and just focus on my breath and the way my body feels – without forcing myself to feel differently; just breathing into whatever pain or discomfort or anxiety I am feeling – it’s kind of great. Look up ‘mindfulness’ if you are not yet familiar.

I haven’t yet read the whole thread, so forgive me if I am giving any irrelevant information here.

One last thing; just my 2 cents: your job is probably awesome and a great opportunity, it sounds like, but maybe ask yourself if it is worth literally losing your sanity over. Are you not working in order to fulfill your life as a whole? Also, think about whether it might be appropriate to disclose ADD as your “challenge” to a superior, or if there is any kind of “disability” break you may catch. I work in a tiny tiny company – a store/gallery – and telling my boss, I think, ultimately saved me. I’ve been late way too many times and I’m pretty sure I would’ve been fired if I hadn’t told him about my diagnosis. He wouldn’t have given me the extra chances were it a different situation.

Good luck! Hang in there, you are awesome.

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[powcat]

PS: Certainly, though, there is something to be said for balance; much, actually. How to be selective of who to share yourself with, and when.

But I think that knowing that comes naturally with self-love. Sharing “too much” can be an act of desperately seeking approval… (In speech, but also physically, as in premature sex, now that I think about it.)

Once you accept yourself and love yourself, though, you will naturally want to protect yourself – perhaps, be smart about the risks you take. Not necessarily in terms of figuring out the odds in your favour, but asking yourself, how significan it is for you to make this investment – in a relationship, in a career move, in reaching out to someone, whatever.

Hopefully that made some kinds of sense; I am too sleepy to go back and edit…

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[powcat]

Very lovely video, thanks for posting.

I often envy my peers for being able to shake things off easier or to generally not “take things so personally”. On the other hand, I know that my sensitivity is what makes me a loyal and considerate friend, and an effective artist.

I think ADD makes you sincere, what with the impulsive speaking out and the barrage of ideas, and that can be tough. People have called me intense a bunch; others get frustrated with how sensitive I can be.

Still, my closest friends love my honesty and openness. So I just try to surround myself with people who appreciate me for who I am; that seems to make sense, ha ha…

Anyway, since learning about my diagnosis, I’ve been a lot more accepting of my quirks and qualities, and less accepting of the people who want to change me.

This has been another rambling post by Powcat. Good night and drive safe!

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[powcat]

Ok, I stopped reading halfway through, so I don’t forget what I wanted to say.

Good tips, RICK and BILL!

ALEX, I also found that site way too overwhelming.

Scheduling my time really freaks me out; I work with a wall calendar, a pocket agenda, and an ongoing to-do list that’s broken down into sections on my computer. When I went to a Disabilities Counsellor at my university, as per my therapist’s advice, I told her all this. She still roped me into creating a schedule, with all the hours mapped out and everything. It was based on my existing habits and there were lots of breaks scheduled in but I still can’t handle it; just looking at it freaks me out.

Anybody else experience this? Gonna keep plugging away but stress is high as I’ve got several projects to do and the semester ends in two weeks exactly…

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[powcat]

I used to have problems with sharing my bed too; it seems to have gotten better with practice.

In terms of getting to sleep, that is also a big problem for me. I have a tendency to spend hour and hours on the internet or watching TV and movies instead of putting myself to bed.

I don’t know if this would be helpful to you, but what’s helping me right now is the radio. I got this radio alarm and I can program it to turn off after an hour or half-an-hour. I set it to a talk station or some other low-key station at a low volume and go to bed with it on; it relieves some anxiety about the actual act of going to bed somehow. like maybe it’s a transition between computer time and bedtime; definitely makes it easier for me to turn off the computer at night. I find a relaxed position and pay attention for a bit to the information but eventually – usually – I will drift off.

good luck.

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[powcat]

The other thing I’d like to say, after reading the rest of this thread:

CET, you mentioned words or conversations ‘penetrating’ only occasionally. Would you say you feel numb? Detached? Might you be experiencing depression? It can take different forms; sometimes it is more like numbness rather than intense sadness. Do you still have things you enjoy doing, people you like to see? I like what LOAFER wrote, I agree with them.

Anyway, if that sounds like you, maybe consider treating your depression before grappling with the ADD…. Therapy is always good for whatever ails ya (if you’re lucky enough to find a good therapist.)

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[powcat]

Dear CET,

This is a reply to your original post, before I get sidetracked by all the rest.

I’m really glad you verbalized this. I often feel like I’m crazy because I also work so hard to keep this precarious energy/ mood/ focus combination in balance. For that I need to eat right: some coffee and tea but not too much, lots of water, vitamins, no drugs or alcohol almost ever, enough protein at every meal – plus I must eat regularly but in small portions. Just remembering all these things alone feels kind of tiring…

Then, sleep. The hardest thing ever; and it needs to happen regularly in long-enough blocks of time (8-ish hours) — and at night! and avoided during the day, because that screws everything up.

I need sunlight, I need fresh air, I need to remember to talk to friends, blah blah blah.

Balance is SO. TOUGH.

What you said, though, reminded me of some lyrics I wrote recently:

“and you grow overwhelmed, just from feeling everything

and you need an hour’s rest, just from living

out, the details of the day”

Writing and singing are some of the main things that keep me happy and feeling good about myself.

Good luck to you, and to everyone else here, and as always, you are not alone.

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[powcat]

Sorry to ramble; I think the purpose of that post was more to organize my thoughts on the matter. Thanks!

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[powcat]

NUMBERS: I have a great memory for birthdays and addresses; can usually remember these after consciously writing them down once or twice. But not so for phone numbers; I would have to repeat the number out loud several times to remember it until I could write it down/ punch it in. Money is okay if I’m not distracted; otherwise, confusing. The time: something else altogether.

WORDS: I am really good at spelling because a word will look wrong to me if it’s spelled wrong; I visually remember what it looks like. I also learned to read very early; I remember reading aloud to my kindergarten class! crazy.

I learn better if I can read something in front of me, rather than listen. On the other hand, I’m a songwriter…

I have a poor memory for stuff like types of cars or even colours, but I have done visual arts most of my life…

so I get confused about what kind of ‘learner’ I am; I seem to be all over the place.

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[powcat]

that’s good advice, man.

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