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December 14, 2015 at 4:03 pm in reply to: Diagnosis negative for my kid – but I know she has ADD – now what? #127672
@wholesumdiane, I love your thoughts. You really capture the one-step forward, two-steps back, three forward, one sideways, one back, two forward... pathway we follow as we deal with ADHD. Our own, or someone else’s.
In our new video series on medication we interviewed 18 adults who shared their ‘medication’ stories. I was not surprised by the range of experiences. From the lucky ones, like me, who found the right medication quickly and found it made a dramatic difference, allowing them to stick to all the other tools and strategies that hadn’t worked before, to people who took months, or even two years to finally find the right amount of the right medication. And yes, one woman who had a bad experience because the ADHD medications interacted with other medications she was taking for other disorders. (That’s when it get’s really tricky.)
But for perhaps 11 or 12 of the 18, it took a while to figure it out. And I admired them for sticking with it. I suppose part of it was they noticed a difference right away, or sensed it could make a difference, and were willing to trust their doctor and stick with it.
Oh, and yes, the other thing a number of people talked about, was finding the right doctor. In fact, even some of the doctors talked about the importance of finding someone who knows what they are doing. Not easy.
REPORT ABUSEHey hannah0012
I managed to read your entire list. And almost everything you note about yourself would be considered an ADHD symptom. It’s amazing. You definitely need to learn more, and try some ADHD strategies to see if they help.
We have a video called ADD & Mastering It! which features 36 ADHD-Friendly strategies that Patrick McKenna and I have used ourselves. It was running on PBS and some stations may still carry it. Or you can get it from our shop.
We’ve found these tools work with our mindset. Whereas a lot of tools and strategies that work for ‘normal’ people, also known as Muggles’, don’t work for us.
Check out my Blog http://totallyadd.com/no-more-agendas/
I’m not a doctor. And though I know a lot of doctors read our Forums, none of them would diagnose you from a list like this. ADHD is too complex. And it has to have been there for a while. Not just a recent thing since your parents divorced, or you moved to a new city and you’re now at a highly competitive school.
My suggestion? Read as much as you can? Check out our free videos. Ask your parents or Santa for some of our longer videos. And if people in your life don’t believe you, or believe ADHD is real, have them sit down and watch some of the videos. There are thousands and thousands of studies done on this disorder. Doctors have been describing it since at least the 1700’s. There’s all kinds of research being done to identify the genes involved. And as you’ve listed yourself, this disorder can sabotage every area of life, and every ambition or good idea that you have.
The good news? You’re 15. I think every one of us who wasn’t diagnosed until we were older–I was 47–wishes we had known when we were still kids. And most of us who take medication and know the difference it can make wish we’d known about it sooner.
Good luck! Keep us posted.
Oh, and our book, ADD Stole My Car Keys lists 155 signs you have ADHD. And over 20 of them are potential strengths. You’ll enjoy it.
REPORT ABUSEI wonder if that’s the short-temper or over-sensitivity that is so common with ADHD. It’s not just attention that we have trouble regulating, it can be emotion as well.
REPORT ABUSEThis is an interesting conversation! (Aren’t they all.)
I know that I can get talking briskly, then getting a bit ahead of myself, words tumbling out, half sentences… and that leads to short, shallow breaths, which makes my voice higher and more nasal.
Decades ago when I was doing a lot of life theatrical shows with The Frantics comedy troupe (www.thefrantics.com) we actually went for ‘voice classes’ with a really great teacher. In a month or two my voice dropped dramatically. Deeper, richer, and I didn’t end up hoarse or croaking after six shows in a week.
Anyway, I do know from those voice lessons, which always began with 10 minutes of lying on the floor just noticing our breathing and slowly deepening it…(Oh, my impatience would have my alarm bells going. But I managed to stick with it.) … and that made a huge difference in the pitch and power of my voice.
I never turned into Darth Vader but it was noticeable.
REPORT ABUSEI cannot read everything here, but wow some great sharing and ideas. I keep being reminded what a great community we have.
Medication is soooooo tricky. We’re working on a huge video about it. Probably close to 4 hours altogether, covering everything. We interviewed almost 20 adults with ADHD about their experiences on medication. And that’s on top of the 30 to 40 experts in the video. And there is such a range.
But not only is finding the right medication tricky, but then finding the right dose.
As for the issue of remembering and reminding, I’m currently using my cell phone to prompt me all the time. And though it took a while for it to become a habit, one of the strategies we talk about in our video ADD & Mastering It?! is to ‘leave every room like a good Catholic.’ In other words, like you’re crossing yourself, you touch your pockets, glasses, etc.. to make sure you have everything.
After we interviewed one doctor and we had finished packing up the cameras I did that as I approached the doorway–taping my pockets, combined with a 360 degree spin to glance over where I’d been sitting, where we had put things, and scan all the flat surfaces. And the doctor’s face lit up, “Oh that’s such a great strategy.”
I get how painful it is when people feel like they can’t count on you, and worse, when you start to believe you can’t count on yourself. Especially as a parent. So disheartening on some level.
The only way I’ve managed to get around that is to write it out. Write it on my hand. Wrap elastics around my finger to remind me. Post it notes put in a place where I can’t miss it. Right at eye level. And different places each time, otherwise I get used to seeing it.
And since I can’t trust myself to even remember to brush my teeth at night, I make everything into a checklist. One that sits in the middle of the table I walk by to get anywhere it the house. (Which is also our office.)
I did up a checklist for when we go out of town to make sure everything gets done, from packing passports, to watering plants, to letting the neighbours know, to cancelling the paper. My wife thought it was kind of dumb. Now she loves it. Check, check, check…
Advice to EVERYONE with ADHD: Don’t trust your memory. Write it down. Or if there’s something you have to do, write it on a post it and stick it on your computer keyboard so you can’t log on without seeing it. And stick it to your forehead until you’ve logged on and done it. This sounds ridiculous, but it works. It’s called “Externalizing.” Even stuff as simple as putting everything you need to take with you tomorrow morning in front of your door so you literally can’t miss it.
And hey, doing all these things… I still miss a whole bunch of stuff. Which I used to hate. But now, I just kind of acknowledge a
REPORT ABUSESeptember 18, 2015 at 5:10 pm in reply to: Asking for Accommodations–it's not what you think #127431Our video called Earning a Degree With ADHD covers a whole slew of accommodations that you can ask for. Some are more for University students, but there are a lot of options around testing, note taking, seating, priority scheduling for students with sleep issues, and more.
http://totallyaddshop.com/products/earning-a-degree-with-adhd#.VfyLe0v7opE
The fact is that more and more colleges and universities are realizing that ADHD people can be creative, brilliant, and hugely innovative. But they may struggle with Learning Disorders like Dyslexia and so on. So definitely check out the video. It’ll save you hours of struggle and time and money.
(And it’s got some great experts.)
REPORT ABUSESo much good stuff here! And some great writing, too.
I know how tangential my own writing can get and when I do a blog it usually spawns about four other blogs, or ideas for blogs that I may or may not get to. I have dozens of fascinating ideas awaiting my attention. Or waiting for me to find the time.
Hum4n, one thing struck me. You are on a search for what’s going on with you, and wanting to be able to give it a name. You mentioned at the top that being able to label the ADHD was profound, and you said we all know what that’s like.
Yes, we do.
I also get that you want that same moment, or epiphany, around your compulsion to write.
I have an idea, but I hesitate to suggest it. It may not be helpful at all. If it doesn’t instantly make you jump with excitement, don’t worry about it. It’s just an idea.
While you wait for that moment of recognition, when the issue finally has a name and and explanation, perhaps you can take your passion to write and hone it more. In other words, become a better writer.
I was going to say, become a writer. But you already are. In your postings here you’ve probably done more introspective journalling that most people do in a year.
Since you’re already writing, why not work on the craft of writing as well.
Develop your obvious skill. So what you are writing is less tangental. More organized. Clearer. And more concise. This last one is huge.
When I teach comedy writing I emphasize the need to use as few words as possible. Because if you can say the joke in half the words, you can squeeze in twice as many jokes. And everything thinks you’re twice as funny.
The example I give is the Miss Piggy joke, “Pretentious? Moi!” The whole joke is set up in one word. The punchline is one word. That’s economy of writing. And the shorter the joke, or the description, or the action, the more your writing will flow.
The other secret I will let out of the bag is one that I heard many years ago: The real writing happens in the rewriting.
I know that my first drafts are often incoherent and confused. I even rewrite Tweets. And they’re as few as 30 letters long. But for me the writing is pouring it all out as fast as I can, because when it starts coming out and ideas are sparking my fingers don’t move fast enough. And Dragon Dictate software can’t figure out what I’m saying half the time.
So my first draft is all over the place.
Then in rereading what I’ve written I see I’ve used the wrong word… I replace ‘problem’ with ‘burden’. Or ‘disaster.’ Or ‘trait.’ Or ‘dilemma.’ Or whatever it is I meant to say. I become more and more exact. I have Thesaurus.com open to find the right word. (I’m sure a more gifted writer would just have the words trip off their tongue, but I know and lot of writers and none of them can do that.)
So, in rereading and rewriting what you’ve put down in the first draft, you may not only make it clearer for others, but for yourself. So many of the insights I have come in the rewriting process.
And then there’s just the challenge of making something better with each draft. When I was working full-time with The Frantics comedy troupe some of our skits went through 12 drafts of more. And all four of us took at pass at it at some point. That’s for a 3 minute comedy skit.
I’d even suggest taking a writing course or two. (I still read books on improving my craft of writing and still learning. And still blushing when I reread a first draft that I felt certain was pure genius. Ha!)
Anyway, just a suggestion.
Be well!
REPORT ABUSELet us know how it goes!
REPORT ABUSEWelcome Adventroverted!
I had to chuckle at your subject line. All of the questions indeed!
Not having taken Adderall, and not being a doctor, and knowing everyone’s experience is different I can’t get too specific about your medication questions.
but I’m currently in the middle of editing a video on questions about medication. In a couple of the key phrases come to mind. One is, “be in communication with your doctor about how you feel, about what’s changing, about what’s getting better or worse.”
You asked if you should give it time, and that’s not a bad idea unless you’re feeling real distress. It does take some adjusting but to me it sounds like you are getting a positive effect.
Another thing to remember is that there will always be side effects. There is side effects to everything. Aspirin. Coffee. Even exercise has side effects–sports injuries, joint injuries and so on.
As for that feeling that you’ve wasted your life? That is huge. I was 47 when I got diagnosed. You’ll find people on here who are in their 60s, 70s, and even their 80s before they finally figured out what was going on.
If I allow my self to go there I can still feel a wave of energy–sucking regret about, “What might my life have been if I had known sooner? What disasters might I have avoided? What might my career have looked like? What about all the relationships that crashed and burned, or simply withered on the vine?”
A that some point I realized I could spend the next 47 years stuck in that state. It wasn’t easy to get there but at some point I realized regret was just another state of paralysis for me and I had to focus everything I had on getting control of my ADHD, getting it handled to the point where it was not a problem. I don’t think anyone ever gets it totally handle. And hey, even people who don’t have ADHD lose their car keys or misplace their cell phone now and then.
So you don’t want to deny the feelings of regret and anger, but our video, “Now You Tell Me? Surviving The Emotional Tornado of an ADHD Diagnosis” may help you get unstuck and moving forward. It’s not a one time thing. As I said, I can still go back to that place.
Your other regret, about finding yourself at age 35 without accomplishing the things you want is such a common complaint. Coach Barbara Luther talks about this being the really debilitating ‘time management’ issue that ADHD folks struggle with. It’s one thing to miss dentist appointments. It’s another to miss our achieving your goals in life.
Some ADHD people have very clear goals in life. Many have vague or general goals. What’s missing is any plan to get there. we want to have a family, a house, live on a houseboat, become a pilot, move to Hawaii to live. But we don’t break down the steps of what it would take to actually do that. We don’t set a deadline.
if, for example you said I want to be living in Hawaii in 2 years. Then a good coach would start asking you what it would take to make that half. What would you have to do by the end of this year to be on track to move to Hawaii? That would take planning. Breaking things down into steps. And then asking what would I need to have done but 6 months from now. And to get their, what would I need to do in the next 3 months, and to accomplish that what would I need to do this week? And finally well what’s one thing I could do today? And it might be ghetto the piece of paper and start listing some of the things she would need to do to move to Hawaii. Perhaps the names of people who could support you in keeping you on track or getting specific things done. I don’t know for sure, I’m just talking off the top of my head here. But hopefully you get the idea.
Keep us posted on your progress!
REPORT ABUSELike @hum4n and others, I’ve had that feeling of being lost as an adult. Simple stuff, like moving from room to room and forgetting what I came for. Or, and I guess this isn’t so bad, doing 9 things, but not the thing I came for. At least I got 9 things done.
Then there’s the deeper sense of being lost. I think this has to do with something Coach Barbara Luther said something that we included in our video on Coaching: “But for me the most serious time problem and none of the medications help with time, okay. The most serious one is that we don’t feel ourselves in the future. So intellectually I know I’m going to get older, okay. But I don’t feel her, I don’t think about her, I don’t care about her. So what am I going to do in the future because she doesn’t exist for me, I don’t care about her. So I can’t act in the future to take care of her. That’s the most debilitating part for me of our time insensitivity.
Because we can’t act today for our future selves. I had a young client recently, she’s in her 20’s, and I said what are your goals in life? I have no goals. What do you expect to have by the time you’re 40. She popped off several things. What are you doing to be sure you’re going to get those things? I’ve never thought of that. You mean I can plan? She was dead serious, dead serious about it. That was a novel concept to her that she was going to be 40 and would want certain things and cared about them at that time. So I was trying to get her to connect to that 40 year old and want to care of her and help her have the things she wants.
So we have to help her do that and then we’ve got to help her keep staying in touch with that future self, because we’re going to lose sight of her, and then we won’t do anything in the present for her. I think that’s the most debilitating part, that’s why so many ADDers are you know. I have a lot of ADDers who call me and say I thought I’d have a house, I thought I’d have a husband by now, I thought I would have a career well in place. I don’t have any of those things and I don’t understand why, everybody else does.
It’s because they didn’t ever feel that 30 year old and begin to want to work toward him or her. I think that’s far more debilitating than can they get to class on time. But that’s what most people are focused on around the time insensitivity.”
REPORT ABUSEI’m just thrilled someone is curing ADHD. And I love his confidence, no need to do any follow up. Funny, you’d think he’d want proof of his methods so that he could promote his miracle cure… Ahem.
REPORT ABUSEHi Amy 86. In the section of TotallyADD that features some free tools you’ll find the ASRS Screener or “Adult Self Reporting Scale”. Your husband can fill this out based on his opinion of you. As well, you’ll find the DSM criteria which is designed more for kids but is useful as well. And there is our Power Point of adult symptoms.
My suggestion is that you watch ADD & Loving It?! together and see how much of it resonates there. You can also ask a doctor to give you the Brown Ratings Scale and or the Wender/Utah rating scale, which each of you can fill out. (Having someone else give their opinion is so smart because we can be notoriously bad at self-assessment. And therefore, we think we’re great a self-assessment.)
REPORT ABUSEI think this is very common for us ADDers. We’re just doing a new video on anger and one of the strategies to avoid sudden explosions is to make sure you snack through the day. Healthy snacks. Several of the experts say the same thing: Protein.
The other weird thing is that this morning Dr. Margaret Weiss, who is in ADD & Loving It?! and many of our other videos, was mentioning Sluggish Cognitive Tempo. And she and several others are mentioning the topic of training our executive function. Which is funny, because the other video we are working on is about ADHD Coaches and how they work. And a number of the coaches and doctors are talking about being able to train your brain, developing your Executive Functions. In the Anger video Dr. Ned Hallowell (Driven to Distraction) talks about building the muscle. And he and others talk about Mindful Meditation. Putting in the pause.
But that’s different from Cognitive Fatigue.
Oh, just remembered, the other biggies are getting enough sleep (rather than drink caffeine so you don’t ‘feel’ how tired you are, actually take a power nap) and getting exercise. Here at TotallyADD we often find a brisk, 15 minute walk does wonders. I always get up and move around a bit when I’m switching from one task to another. Clears the brain.
REPORT ABUSEHi Sam,
Hope you are having a warm winter down under.
I suspect that every member on this site can recognize some aspects of their own stories in what you’re going through. It’s a familiar pattern.
At a number of the ADHD conferences I have attended people have talked about how hard it is to get a proper diagnosis in Australia, how it is dismissed, and so on. I’ve also heard a few people say they have found help. Though I apologize for not being able to remember any specifics.
Have you done a lot of reading on ADHD? Have you watched videos?
Some suggestions. First, before you try to change your parents opinion, which sounds like a long shot at the moment, learn as much as you can about ADHD.
Take the Virtual Doctor test on our site, read about it, learn what it is, figure out what particular challenges you have. Some people are not that restless or impulsive but really struggle with focus. Others may have problems with Dyslexia, or over-sensitivity, procrastination, losing things…
The second thought would be to look at your parents, at both branches of your family tree, mom’s and dad’s sides of the family, and see if you spot anyone who has struggled with this in their lives. It looks different in adults. Sometimes the ADHD is due to a specific issue, a head injury perhaps, but the vast majority of us came by this mindset fair and square through our family’s genes.
If you find someone who has struggled with uneven attention, restlessness, impulsivity, and memory issues, talk to them. Perhaps get them to take some of the tests and watch some of the videos.
Third, suggestion: though this is difficult to do on your own, start adopting some of the strategies that work for ADHD folks and see if they make a difference for you. If so, that’s good, right?
Perhaps get copies of some of the better books and read up so you know what works. And you can explain what this is in a way that doesn’t have people dismiss it as a bunch of non-sense.
Trying to argue with people never works. Believe me, I know. But when you start making changes and seeing results, you may be on firmer ground in dealing with the dismissal of other folks. And do keep in mind, you may not have ADHD. And people are dismissive because, well, there was a lot of bad, harmful, and misleading stuff written about ADHD in the past.
It’s getting better. And I’m thrilled to be a huge part of bringing awareness to people, but for every person who gets it, there are still a dozen who don’t. It’s going to be ongoing.
Fourth suggestion: Get exercise. Hugely helpful according to many of the doctors we speak to. It doesn’t eliminate ADHD, but it can be hugely helpful with focus and restlessness. Read John Ratey’s book Spark.
Fifth suggestion: Try mindfulness meditation. More and more studies are showing it helps reduce the symptoms, and a recent study out of Harvard says it actually changes the brain.
Last suggestion: don’t start using marijuana to ‘self-medicate.’ Last week a doctor pointed out to me that the ONLY disorder that marijuana may help some conditions, and make no difference for others, but there is one disorder where it is actually counter productive, or what the doctors call ‘counter indicated’. And that’s ADHD. The marijuana can reduce anxiety, which makes regular users feel less stressed, and feel like they are better at focussing, but the studies show that that feeling they have is just a feeling. The studies show marijuana actually lowers memory.
Do these suggestions help?
REPORT ABUSEYes. The whiteboards at our office help us track everything and keep it visual. And we use lots of colours, so it’s easy to see what my jobs are, which are Ava’s which are Jimi’s, or which might involve two or all three of us.
We break the bigger jobs down into smaller chunks as well, so rather than crossing off one thing, we can see a series of accomplishments, all checked off, and we can also see where something is stuck, and then figure out why.
And this may seem odd, but years ago I read that prolific author Isaac Asimov had a bunch of typewriters in his office, and when he would get stuck on something, he’d jump to another typewriter, or ‘document’, and work on it. Nowadays the software lets us have as many documents open as we want. But I actually have two computers on my desk. One is for things I’m writing, the older one, with the older software, is where I keep lists, jot down ideas, check email, etc.. The act of shifting physically from one computer to the other does something for me.
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