[Zita]

Wow your story is both heartbreaking and vindicating at the same time!!   It’s really sad when we think about the hell our parents went through (those of us who’s parents also have/had ADHD).   I’m sure both of parents have it, my father also is an alcoholic; drug abuse, and alcoholism plague both sides of my family.  

I’m sure my dad sees him self in my brother, he was harder on him then he was on me.   I too wanted my parents approval  some times I catch my my self still trying to get it.   

I too have come to forgive my parents, my father for all his ranting and raving, his put downs and leaving his family for the Captain …aka  uncle Morgan, and my mom for putting up with it,  for not protecting us from my fathers temper tantrums.   With that said, when I received   my own diagnosis, and much therapy I’ve come to realize  inside of these two adults who are my parents are two very confused scared children.  Neither one of them had chance.   There was no therapy back then, no one to console them, they were left to believe they were failures.    As your father did, and his father, and so on and so forth, they did what they were taught.   I will say for both of my parents, who I do love and respect very much, they did the best they could with what they had to work with!!

I take my had off to you, and congratulate you for breaking the cycle, for giving your child the very thing generations of  fathers  in your family wanted so badly for their children but could not give them!!   You’ve also reached your goal of an education, congratulations  and thank you for letting us peer into that part of your life, and showing us that despite the verbal, mental, emotional, and physical abuse success is both possible and attainable!!

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[Zita]

My experiences were the same growing up, I was told I just had to “apply my self” as if I wasn’t trying!! I’m 33 and just found out in May, I’m on adderall now, I did have my meds all figured out, but I decided to throw wellbutrin into the mix and it messed me all up!! I can’t get back to where I was now at all. I really hate having this……..I guess I’m just feeling sorry for my self today, I’m just so frustrated, I had it all figured out, and then I had to go and mess with it!!

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[Zita]

Yes I have ADHD and a temper too, I have learned over time to pick up on physical cues going on in my body that I’m about to loose it, seven times out of ten I’m able to say….”OK, my face is heating up, I need to walk away”. It’s only been in the last few years I’ve been able to do this, I leaned about picking up on physical cues when I was 22, I’m now 33!! It’s takes a while to learn to recognize the physical signs, but they are there.

The last time I wrote this some got really mad at me, and claimed that things just happened too fast for them and there was no way they ever would be able to do this. I never claimed it was easy, but it can be done. I hope this helped!

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[Zita]

I hear ya Lucky77, I feel the same exact way!! I gave up on the note books, I traded ’em in for two white boards to make to do lists, when I first started adderall all the chores got done too…..for the first time in my life!!

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[Zita]

I find that some energy drinks put me to sleep, coffee does as well, now my husband on the other hand, if he has a coffee he’s ready to kill some one!!

Also another think for people with ADD to say away from is cough suppressants. What suppresses the cough when you have a cold is a stimulant, so if your already taking one then it’s going to increase the effect of the one your already on……I found that out the hard way!!

I called the pharmacist that’s when she told me no dayquil/nightquil for me!!

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[Zita]

Yes I tend to loose my self reading when I’m using the bathroom. I always had a nasty habit of picking pimples, so I used to get lost in the mirror as I would put it. It’s not that I just enjoy picking, but I would obsess about getting that black head out or what ever blemish was there. Often times this would take place in the bathroom.

I’ve also fell a sleep on the toilet…..yes very embarrassing!! I also tend to have long baths and showers, use this spin brush on my face and I get carried away, some times it feels like I’ve been washing my face for 5 min by the time I realized I’ve zoned out.

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[Zita]

That’s a very good idea, we all need to let off some steam some times; my son was going through this stage where he wanted to scream out the car window while we were driving “I love cheese” this drives my husband crazy!! So one night when it was just the three of us, my husband was at home we drove around and I let my son scream to everyone that was walking that we past that he loved cheese…..he hasn’t done it since, i guess he just had to get it out of his system.

I find one of the worst times I have is when we’re all in the car, the kids will be acting up and I’ll be in one of those mischievous moods where I just need to instigate and every thing seems funny, my husband gets sooooo cranky, it seems the madder he gets the funnier it strikes me…..it usually ends with Sean (my husband) pulling over and getting the bus home.

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[Zita]

Wow Kazuo, good for you!! I’m 33 and just got diagnosed, and I too was labeled bipolar, and then told I had borderline personality disorder. I asked my dr. at the time about ADHD and he said he didn’t’ see any evidence of it. Finally I got a new family Dr, and asked for a referral to see a man named Dr.William Burnie, he basically described my life!! I’m currently on Adderall XR and doing 100% better!!

He filled me in on a little secret, when I told him who I was being treated by for my mental illness he informed me he was not qualified.

The dr. I was seeing was a GP, not a psychiatrist. He said he was not qualified to diagnose me, it turns out that about 10 years ago here in NS, (I’m not sure if it was done in any other province in Canada) that there were not enough psychiatrist so the government or the medical board or who ever let GP act as psychiatrists. I think it’s just plain wrong to referrer people who need a specialist to a GP, they don’t have the training needed to make a proper diagnoses, the result is people like me, a 33 year old married mother of 2, I was so over medicated I couldn’t get out of my own way. I couldn’t have a shower every day, I couldn’t clean my house, I couldn’t do my laundry. My children were living in filth…..it all could have been avoided had I see a Dr. who knew what he was doing. And you know I don’t even blame him per say, I blame who ever allowed GP to act as psychiatrist. I too want to go back to school, I want to so into social work, I don’t have 10 years to spend in university or the money, so community collage for me, and I really want to bring awareness to adult ADHD.

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[Zita]

Yeah not too much is off limits in my circle of friends either, but yes I would try to harness it at work!! lol I made a really bad comment at my daughters school band concert….we were waiting for the band to start and my husband and I were talking about how this lady was rude to him. Both my husband and I are over weight, while my husband was signing our son up for football this lady was passing out these papers advertising parent boot camp. She offered one to everyone except my husband….she assumed because he was big he wouldn’t be interested….well that kind of stuff just drives me nuts!! So as we were sitting there talking about things I said, louder then I would have liked “well if her and I got cancer at the same time guess who would live longer!!” I was so embarrassed and horrified I would say such a thing!! So yes I have to learn to harness my mouth in public too!! Just so you all know I’m really not like that, I dont’ wish ill on any one, I was just so insulted by this woman.

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[Zita]

I suck at math, I hate it, just thinking about it gives me a head ache!!

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[Zita]

LMAO!!! Duct tape….love it!! lol Yup I’m guilty cutting people off too, it drives my husband crazy!!

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[Zita]

In grade 7 my teacher bitched me out in front of the whole class saying if the topic didn’t have any thing to do with boys then I wasn’t interested….just short of calling me a slut….nice eh? The topic was math…..I still don’t understand it. It’s funny the very people that are paid with our tax $$ to teach our childern, at the time my parents tax $$ to teach me and my fellow students are the very people running us down. I’m still angry that I went through 14 years of school and not one teacher cared enough to wonder what was going on with this girl, why didn’t’ she try. It seems that students that require a little effort and extra time are just a pain in their ass. It’s just easier for them to run us down then take the time to find out what’s wrong. Now I have to say later on in year this teacher did sit down with me one on one and went through some things. She reported back to my mom that as soon as she had told me some thing I forgot right away….that’s when the ball was put in mom’s corner…..

I really feel when teachers are going to school there should be some kind of education or part of a course identifying red flags of learning disabilities and/or disorders.

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[Zita]

I’ve always had a really hard time with math and spelling…..I always remember faces but I’m not so good with names.

So listen I was wondering is there a specific Dr. you would see about Dyscalculia? That would explain a lot…..I hate numbers, I can’t add in my head, I always have to use my fingers even for the simplest of questions. My spelling is so bad that my husband says I should sue the school I graduated from!! lol I have to use spell check for every thing, 9 times out of 10 it’s a sea of red!! lol It’s so embarrassing, I can’t even help my kids with their home work, I just tell them the truth, I can’t do math or spell. I graduated with a 56% average!! I squeaked by!! I’ve always felt really stupid, I never could finish any thing, now that I’m on adderall my house is actually starting to look like a home!!

Thanks so much for this post I’m deffiantly going to look into this!

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[Zita]

I just read over the post again, it takes me a few times for every thing to sink in….congradualtions TheGameGuy for keeping your cool and fixing your light, I know almost for certain if it was me, after I steped on my shoe lace I would have to lost it!! lol Not a small victory….I huge one good for you!!

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[Zita]

I don’t think it’s so much a memory of what happened, but an association of the behaviour. A prime example is toilet training, we all know, those of us that are physically able to get up and go to the toilet, that when we feel that urge to pee or poop, we know that if we don’t get up and go to the toilet then we will soil our pants, another example, touching a hot stove, it one only has to burn them selves once to learn not to touch a hot stove. As for good associations, eating, we have leaned that when our stomach grumbles and hurts that we are hungry, we eat some thing and our stomach doesn’t hurt any more. Our reaction to all of these examples are a choice, we choose to go to the bathroom rather then shit in our pants, we choose to eat some thing, and we choose not to put our hand on a hot stove. Yes these are extreme examples, but they are all learned behaviors, positive and negative out comes to the choices we make.

Yes humans are more complex then dogs, that’s why it should work even better on us. I hope you feel better soon librarian_chef, I hope I haven’t offended you, it certainly wasn’t my intention to, I know how hard it is…..it sucks, it’s evern more heart wrenching to watch your kids go though it and have other people judge them for things they can’t help.

Take care, I hope you find what works for you soon.

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[Author]

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