[Tiddler]

I’m academic. It’s how I think and I love it. I thrive in that environment.

The differences in my abilities and weaknesses are vast and I guess I’ve done a lot to compensate for that which is a strength in itself.

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[Tiddler]

Hiya

Yeah, mine wore off pretty quickly too, in that I lost that ‘wow’ factor after a couple of days. However, I still take the same low dose I started on as the higher dose had an unpleasant come-down. It’s not perfect but it’s better than not having it.

I don’t take it every day. But when I do I’m definitely more able to do the stuff I usually can’t stand (like paperwork and housework) though I don’t actually feel as clear headed as I did those first days.

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[Tiddler]

LOL I didn’t see this. Yes, my husband slept downstairs for a few nights while we were settling the dog – rather that than hear him whining/barking during the night. We’re soft but also aware that our neighbours put up with a LOT living next to us (loud, chaotic, back yard full of junk, kids on full volume etc etc.

BUT the house is clean and tidy and the picture frames are on the walls so big thanks for the kick up the bum to get those things sorted!

(And the dog isn’t an ounce of trouble at night!)

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[Tiddler]

Some people just shouldn’t be teachers.

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[Tiddler]

Doh. Well that didn’t take long.

I need the ’emotional’ let’s talk endlessly about feelings thing because I over think everything. There aren’t many men who are prepared to do that – nor aspies either. And the aspie side – maybe that’s a good way of still being able to be friends with men despite being married/them being married – there’s no hint of inappropriateness.

That said, my husband has asperger’s and that never got in our way…

Hmmm.

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[Tiddler]

I could have written that opening post – you’ve described me perfectly – right down to being able to beat my husband at arm wrestling!

I think we’ve just not fallen for it – ‘it’ being this notion that women are ‘other’, that men are the default and women are what’s left over. So we’ve got more to talk about and more to say than the women who are trapped in the vanities of appearance and gossip. Maybe we just aren’t as susceptible to gender stereotypes because we were ‘inattentive’ to them growing up!

My friends have nearly always been men, except for a few close female friends (who have never known each other.) The women have always been different – gifted, ADHD, dyslexic, dyspraxic – interesting, flighty, challenging. The men have mostly been geeky – super smart and often on the aspie side.

I wonder why the difference (gender wise.) Why don’t I spend time with aspie women and men with SpLDs?

Hmmm. There’s a ponderama.

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[Tiddler]

I’ve cried twice at work since September – once was quietly at the back of the room and only one person noticed. The second time I left the room and cried in the toilets. Both times I was perfectly fine within minutes.

Emotions flare up SO quickly and they’re hard to ‘put back’.

I have been experimenting with a ‘happy place’ and I find that works quite well as long as I am not already over the edge.

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[Tiddler]

Hey, Peter. I saw it too.

I use this technique when I’m teaching.

It works well to have a few places in each room of your house to ‘hang’ things on. So, for example, the objects can be placed on/in the fireplace, sofa, window, rug, picture frame, door etc. I ‘hang’ stuff in play parks and other places I visit a lot too.

Trouble is – I learned the first 55 elements in the periodic table this way and it took up so much head space that I actually, genuinely forgot to take my kids to school the next day…

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[Tiddler]

I think it’s worth talking to the instructors. You’ll get a feel for whether they understand or not and know how to channel it properly. There are other methods of building self control and discipline, like judo or karate. It’s worth looking at a few different kinds and finding out what would be the most appropriate one for him – or whether you should steer clear of all of them!

I think there’s a lot to be said for this kind of training for kids with impulse control issues as a good teacher should be able to give them techniques to help them hold back.

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[Tiddler]

Quote Allen Gee whiz, I forgotten that I’d already trawled this thread! I juat re-read the whole lot, and then saw my response at the end!

Familiar much.

I once responded to an old post with enthusiasm and a lot of ‘oh wow! I do that too’ yadda yadda.

It was my post I was referring to. 🙄

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[Tiddler]

Re the references – I’m at the tail end of a piece of work on this. I’ll post my bibliography (or maybe even the whole piece if I’m allowed.)

But remind me – I am likely to forget.

I don’t need to explain why. LOL

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[Tiddler]

Hi Allen

I don’t think there are benefits to ADHD. I think it sucks. BUT I think everyone has things they find hard and things they find easy, regardless of whether they have ADHD or not.

In my environment, now, the fact that my brain goes off on tangents all the time, makes connections between things quickly, leaps from idea to idea is working well for me. But that’s THIS environment. Every other place I’ve been in my life, that kind of thinking has been a problem.

BUT I think the problem is that my way of thinking wasn’t valued or respected, because in school we were expected to learn in a linear way, at work I was expected to work in a linear way and so on. I’m NOT linear. Neither are most people with ADHD. Neither are most people with dyslexia or dyspraxia either. We’re a hell of a lot of people between us. These ‘defective’ people. What if we’re NOT defective?

What if schools no longer expected students to learn in a linear way? What if they valued questions and let kids bounce and move around when they were learning? What if they let kids learn what they wanted to learn when they wanted to learn it (in an unschooling approach similar to John Holt advocates?) What if the SYSTEM was different?

What if I had learnt in that kind of environment? I know what would have happened. I’d have SOARED. Because:

I wouldn’t have been told I was a nuisance.

I wouldn’t have been told I was stupid.

I wouldn’t have been told off for doing things that were just part of how I learned.

I would have learnt faster.

I would have been happy.

So was the problem me or the fact that I spent my llife trying to be a ‘me’ that didn’t fit?

Because I’m learning like that now. And I don’t need the ritalin any more.

I still screw up. ADHD does that. But other people screw up too. They just don’t have society telling them THEY are screw ups. There’s a difference – I make mistakes. I am not a mistake.

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[Tiddler]

Food, definitely. Made some bad choices about sex when I was younger, though that was more impulsiveness than self-medicating I think. Exercise – I can’t be bothered!

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[Tiddler]

You sound like you’re having a really hard time and the good news is that it will get better.

You know what you want. You said, ‘ The only thing i want is to forget my responsibilities and have all the time i want to just think, create, and be comfortable for a change.’

You’ve got some great advice above so I’ll just agree that you need to speak to a medical professional and the support networks at your college.

The important thing to know is that it WILL get better – whether that’s on this course, some other course or doing something else for now. Nothing is worth feeling like this and you CAN change things. Keep talking and ask for help.

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[Tiddler]

I’ve been reading some research that backs up why all this is so important.

There’s evidence that one of the most damaging thing for long term ‘outcomes’ in people’s lives is being rejected by peers. This is something most of us have probably faced.

But the study I was reading was showing how kids who THINK their partner on a task has ‘behaviour problems’ were more likely to treat them differently, talk to/play with them less etc and the kids who were supposed to have the ‘problems’ were more unhappy afterwards too.

It didn’t make any difference whether the child had ADHD or their partner just thought they had it – the interactions were the same.

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