[Tiddler]

I procrastinate with the best of ’em, but sometimes it looks like I’m procrastinating but really it’s that I can’t /don’t know how to get started because:

I spend ages trying to get started because can’t find the stuff I need to be able to get on with it.

I have to start again after a break because I’ve forgotten what I’ve already done.

I make a positive start, but on the wrong thing by mistake.

I start on what I think is the ‘right’ thing, but it’s not the most urgent thing after all.

So, even when I can get motivated to start, and I’m really working, I’m not doing what I should be doing. That’s not counting the times I start on the right thing and get side-tracked by the shiny!

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[Tiddler]

[The easy way to avoid a teacher or parent using his expert opinion as a way to force medication would be for Barkley to temper his statement to say, “ADD is a serious disorder that causes real, proven problems for people & no one should be denied medication on the basis of other people that say it is a gift”.]

Good point, but I think that tempering it thus adds medication into the statement, when I don’t think it’s about medication at all. I think it’s about recognising the deficits and not confusing the issue by calling it a gift.

Pete-Puma, I agree that ADHD wouldn’t be seen as a problem if we lived in a different sort of world. I think maybe I’d even like to live in a more chaotic, ADD type of world! But we live in a world where people expect us to ‘just do it’. Dyslexia wouldn’t be a disability if we didn’t use language. Having no legs wouldn’t be a disability if everyone else had no legs – and maybe I’d go as far as to say that someone born with legs might be seen as ‘disabled’ because they couldn’t get around easily on their hands and bum? And someone who wanted to use language in a non-language world might be seen as having a deficit in silence? Or self reliance?

What I mean is, even if it is only cultural bias that defines disability, isn’t that enough?

I went to a lecture a couple of months ago where an amazing speaker talked about how learning differences were only disabilities because of how children are expected to function in classrooms that aren’t suitable for them. At the time, I wholeheartedly agreed. (I’m black or white – I don’t do shades of grey very easily.) But now, maybe I’m learning to see the grey after all.

Classrooms are very badly set up for children with learning difficulties and a few basic changes could make a world of difference. Absolutely. And to that end, learning differences should be seen as simply that – differences – and we can all learn given the right environment. And we should keep striving for equality of opportunity.

BUT I’m wary. Saying these things are mere differences, not disabilities implies that people just need some accommodations and we’ll be able to do what everyone else can. But is that really so?

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[Tiddler]

Really good question. Our eldest has attention and memory problems. If I’d known I might pass this on to my kids would I still have had them? YES! Knowledge is power and we work at knowing as much as we can about both our children’s needs and trying to do our best by them.

I’m not good at all of it. But no parent is perfect and in the main I think we do pretty well between us. And that’s the key – my husband and I work as a team – he picks up the stuff I’m not so good at and vice-versa.

The down side is that it’s full-on and exhausting and if there’s not much support or help around from friends or family, there can be times when it’s overwhelming.

It’s worked out okay for us, but it’s right to think about it carefully first. It’s not like any other challenge I’ve ever had and it’s been far from easy.

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[Tiddler]

Interesting post about Dr Barkley, Caper. But I disagree. Saying there is nothing positive about having ADHD doesn’t suggest or imply that medication is the only answer. Doesn’t it just suggest that he has seen the devastating effects of the condition and doesn’t want a debate about it being a ‘gift’ to detract from the very real need for more research, more acceptance and more treatment options?

Either it’s a gift or it’s a disability. I think there’s a difference between accepting it, and accepting yourself with it, and thinking it’s been a positive influence on someone’s life. If it’s a positive influence on people then do we need to treat it, get help for it or have counselling to cope with the fall out.

I don’t even think ‘giftedness’ is a gift. I think there is the positive side of it, which is high learning potential, but there are all the other behaviours and problems associated with it that look like ADHD, asperger’s, OCD, ODD and so on that make it obvious to me that even being ‘gifted’ comes with a price.

So I think it’s really important to accept ADHD as a disability, because without that acceptance I feel that we’ll just keep being told to try harder.

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[Tiddler]

Trashman, I realise just how often I’ve felt angry with people but always denied it to myself – because usually anger manifests as tears for me because I ‘don’t know where to put it’ (the anger.)

Deltakingcrab, I’m really glad you posted. It has helped me no end to read all these stories and realise how many people are out there going through similar things to me.

And thank you for appreciating how hard it’s been to get a degree and have a family. We have a very happy marriage, so I suppose it can look very easy to others, but behind it all there is a failed engagement, 2 failed live-in relationships, one of whom was very abusive, plus another abusive relationship, bulimia, OCD, compulsive eating, depression, anxiety, IBS, a spell of illness caused by stress and overwork that nearly cost me the degree and I can’t count how many jobs along the way.

From small things like going to work in still wet clothes from the washing machine clothes or turning up at work in odd shoes (!) to huge things like dropping out of school, dropping out of several night classes and losing friendships it’s just been flippin hard!

Re setting up a support group – I tried that (to help my son who has some special needs too) but I didn’t do a good enough job. I was sending emails to the few people who said they wanted to be involved and no-one was getting back to me, then I got a mail saying if I wasn’t interested, they were going to go ahead and do it without me, which I was really confused about. Until I realised that I’d been sending the mails out wrong and only I was getting them. I haven’t had the heart to look to see what it was this time that I screwed up!

But the upside is that other people are doing it and, presumably, I’ll be able to take my son along when it happens.

So it’s definitely worth a go if you feel like you’re up to it. Maybe you can get it far enough that other people will get involved and then you can let them know you can’t manage alone and see what happens?

Plus, I think you can be kind to yourself now. You know what’s been going on, you’re starting to find out and get help and things will change. I’ve decided to just let the chaotic, impulsive, forgetful, inattentive girl inside me burst free for a while just to see what happens. Trying to keep it all contained has only made me ill so what is there to lose?! So no more beating myself up over it – at least for the next few days…

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[Tiddler]

I like the sound of that – being able to say hello to the squirrel friend and moving right back on. Like making friends with the monkey mind!

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[Tiddler]

I got in a tangle working from home as I found myself staring at the screen forgetting what I was meant to be doing and feeling like I had to just keep going, rather than do what I normally do, which is get up, move around, do something else for a few minutes and go back to it. That was only one day a week though and I’ve changed it so I can do 2 hours, 4 days a week instead and fit it round my other work.

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[Tiddler]

That EQ/SQ thing is really interesting. I got EQ 60 and SQ 12. ‘Extreme empathiser.’ My husband’s results are roughly opposite to mine.

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[Tiddler]

If I’m diagnosed as having ADHD, do I need to declare it to my insurance company or the DVLA (to add to my license)? I’ve got a 9 years no claims bonus that I don’t want to lose!

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[Tiddler]

I like direct. It’s definitely the way to go in our family!

Subtle just doesn’t work, for either of us!

Good luck!

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[Tiddler]

That sounds really scary.

My only similar experience happened during my second year at uni. I was working too long every day and getting worn down and ill. I was having consecutive migraines that caused me to miss about 3 months of work. During that year (and occasionally for a few years after that) I had sleep paralysis. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_paralysis

Apart from one occasion when I thought I was having an out of body experience, they were simply occasions when I’d wake up after a deep sleep but my body didn’t seem to wake up with me. I’d be conscious, I’d be able to hear what was going on but I’d be powerless to move. Once, I was asleep with my face ontop of my hand, so I tried to open my eye, but I couldn’t move my hand except a tiny amount and I just kept poking myself in the eye and I couldn’t stop it.

I think the whole experience was down to stress and overwork. It occurs to me the price I’ve paid when I’ve actually been able to stick at something and achieve a goal has been pretty huge.

I used to fall asleep at my desk at work occasionally, when I worked in a bank, and I fell asleep at my desk at school a few times, once during a test (and I dreamt that Freddy Kruger was clicking his nails behind my back and I awoke with a start but it was just my teacher checking to see if I was alright. That was is 6th form (age 17) right before I dropped out.

Edit, the only way to control the sleep paralysis for me was to relax enough to go back to sleep, then I would wake up again normally. No idea how long I’d be asleep before I woke up again. Maybe seconds, maybe an hour? But it pretty scary at the time.

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[Tiddler]

For me it’s not that I want to go fast. I just want to be doing, not sitting waiting.

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[Tiddler]

Seriously! ? I do that too. All the time. I’ve been trying to do the opposite for a while now – I stand still, look at my feet sheepishly, mutter sorry and they move round me. Not very assertive but hey, it works!

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[Tiddler]

LOL about the queuing. It is kind of an art form here!

You’re right. Every time it was just after I got in the car. And it’s arbitrary decisions that I can’t manage. Logic I can deal with but which exit/space to choose when they are all the same to me? No chance!

I went out for take-away last night and the staff member kept apologizing for the delay. I’ve no idea how long I was there, it didn’t seem long, but I presumably looked frustrated because I was shuffling about, lifting the newspaper then putting it back down, then lifting it up again etc. I promised him I was ‘really fine, honestly’ but he didn’t believe me! He even gave me a free bottle of beer to take home.

Was that a perk of having ADHD I wonder!?!

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[Tiddler]

LOL I’m so glad you’re laughing. I had a feeling this was the place to admit to my quirks!

I’m not sure if I’m right about standard transmission. Here ‘standard’ is a gear stick. I’ve never driven without one. Is standard what the English call ‘automatic’ (ie no stick)? I’ve never tried to drive one of them.

I didn’t know such things as backup cameras existed. That could have saved me a lot of heartache!

When I finally passed my test, the instructor said I had passed but that I was ‘annoying’. LOL I wasn’t even offended because I’d passed so I didn’t care but it’s only now that I can look back and realise why she said it.

Please turn on the next available right.

Do you mean that one with the tree or the one with the pub on the corner?

Well, take the next one, we’ve already passed the first one.

Please turn right at the roundabout.

Which right? When I’m turning off, they’re all left. ~Can you just tell me 1st, 2nd or 3rd exit, please?

You know, my hands are sweating and my legs are kind of wobbly. I always get like this when I’m nervous. When I was…yadda yadda yadda!

I’m amazed I passed with hindsight, just for the annoyance factor alone!

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