[Tiddler]

Thank you. I’d love to read it if you do.

I’ve posted another entry. I think it’s going to help a lot to try to keep track of my feelings in it.

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[Tiddler]

I really like what Barclay is saying. It makes sense to me and it is helping me get rid of the baggage I’ve been carrying around. I feel like he is saying, ‘This is not your fault. This is a brain problem’. That’s all.

I don’t really understand what perseveration means though. Is it about persevering? To persevere at a difficult task is surely a good thing? Is it about severing? To be disjointed from the rest of what is going on? Is it about persevering when one should have stopped and moved on to something else?

I can focus on things I’m really interested in – but it doesn’t happen when I want it to – sometimes it just does and sometimes it just doesn’t. At the moment, I have several other things I should be focusing on but I’m researching ADHD every chance I get, at the cost of everything else I should be doing.

Is that perseverance? If so, what does it mean exactly? Is it hyperfocus? What’s the difference####/

The accent confuses me though – persevere here is pronounced per-si-veer, with the stress on the first and last syllables. He says perSEVERance, which sounds more like the emphasis is on severing. I’m confused and probably obsessing slightly!

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[Tiddler]

Update – I have an appointment for next week. I feel pretty good about it. I suppose my only worry is if he says it’s NOT adhd and he doesn’t have another answer that fits. My life makes sense in an ADHD context. It never did before. So I suppose I’m nervous about not being diagnosed if I focus on the tests too much or something!

Trashman, I hope you’re doing okay today. We call them chipmunks too.

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[Tiddler]

Thanks for the replies, and for sharing the dream.

I’m having a few dreams around this suddenly. They seem to have a theme of vulnerability but optimism – fixing things and a sense of calm.

I’ve been having dreams about raging storms at sea and warfare all my life. Calm dreams are a pleasing but confusing surprise!

The recurring dream I’ve had most of my life is where I watched a plane in the distance. I had to keep watching it or it would fall out of the sky/drop a nuclear weapon/explode. In the dream I always forget to keep watching it and then there’s carnage. And it’s my fault.

I don’t feel like that at the moment. I feel like none of it has been my fault. That’s a pretty good feeling!

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[Tiddler]

Hi fives all!

My high 5 today comes from only asking for my husband’s help once today.

And taking the offer of help to organise my uni filing from a friend.

Not being too demanding of lovely husband and being able to accept help from trusted friend when it’s offered – got to be a good day!

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[Tiddler]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu0ByH2fK4o&feature=player_embedded

Sorry for the indulgence. I hope I’m allowed to post links on here. It’s just a daft cat video but it made me smile!

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[Tiddler]

I totally get crying over the candle – I am at the total mercy of my emotions. And I am bonkers about cats. I went to the shelter years ago to get a kitten and got 5 cats of various ages. I’d have ended up with 12 if my ex hadn’t put his foot down! I only have 2 of them left now – a mix who plays fetch and a Bombay who follows me everywhere.

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[Tiddler]

All above make sense to me. I’d also add that ADHD can coincide with dyspraxia. Mary Colley, who set up DANDA, a support group for neurodiverse adults in England, had ADHD and dyspraxia – diagnosed in her 40s. She was an amazing woman.

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[Tiddler]

That’s more or less where I am, billd. I want to see proof that there’s a part of me that benefits from this (whatever it is in my case – as yet undiagnosed.)

If there was a pill I could take, fall asleep and wake up ADHD-less, what would be different in my life? I’d be able to read a page of a book once rather than 8 times. I’d be able to finish a conversation. I’d remember people’s names. I’d not have job hopped all my life. I’d maybe have finished school as a teenager rather than having to do it as an adult at night school. Maybe (who knows) I wouldn’t be overweight and maybe I’d be able to sleep at night. Maybe I wouldn’t have spent most of my life being treated for anxiety and depression.

The one thing I can think of, and I admit, it’s a big one, is that I know what it’s like to struggle. I have a lot of empathy. I’m glad I have that. Maybe I wouldn’t if things had come easy to me. Who knows.

But, as selfish as this sounds, if I could take a pill to get rid of the rest but the downside was I’d not care so much about other people, or not understand them very well, I’d be sorely tempted to take it anyway…

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[Tiddler]

And lists can be really demoralising as they’re there – taunting me with all the things I haven’t managed to get done! That’s if I can remember where I put it!

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[Tiddler]

And lists can be really demoralising as they’re there – taunting me with all the things I haven’t managed to get done! That’s if I can remember where I put it!

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[Tiddler]

[If I think about what I would have to give up to be free of ADD…well, I woildn’t want to do that. I like the quickness, the creativity,etc. I do not want to be one of the herd.]

Are they attributable to ADHD though? Couldn’t they just be gifts/abilities that you have in spite of your ADHD?

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[Tiddler]

Good luck, elkclan. Have you seen the AADDUK site? http://aadduk.org/help-support/specialists-support-and-coaches/ You may be able to find someone on there?

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[Tiddler]

Thank you. It does help. Very much.

I’m sorry about your boss. I hope things improve soon.

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[Tiddler]

I don’t know whether or not having kids would be a good fit for you and your partner, but I personally seem to have more patience for the chaotic side of kids than most people I know. I don’t really notice it to be honest.

Also, I worried long and hard before I became a parent that I’d get bored and want to give them up and start again with another child. I knew it was ridiculous but I did that with just about every other thing I’ve ever done. There were 2 things I didn’t realise that I do now. The love I have for my kids is more of a driving force than anything else I’ve experienced. And every single day brings new challenges that I have to ‘start again’ with.

I couldn’t do it without my husband though. He deals with much of the monotony like making sure their uniforms are clean. I can do the listening to their problems and helping them work through stuff and helping with homework.

Jack Spratt and his wife – betwixt us both we lick the platter clean, so to speak!

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