[Shadow Nexus]

http://totallyadd.com/forum/topic.php?id=1680

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MYTH: “You know nothing about parenting, since you don’t have any.” WRONG!

I know ton about parenting. That’s how I know i’m not suited for it.

lakelly> Time outs worked for me. Started early enough you don’t have to worry about when they are bigger and stronger than you. It also fosters respect.

“time out’s” don’t work. You must be doing real parenting. Just calling it wrong label, one bad parenting method. Kids must know that their are consequences to their actions. Consequences must be effective. If their not, you have find something that is effective.

sugargremlin>enjoying this thread as making children seems really intuitive, but it is not. Perhaps, this child-making instinct is a relic from evolution in which you need to pop out as many children as possible because most will die young and risk discontinuation of your species. It evolved a bit to popping out as many children as you can to compensate for common young deaths and to birth a workforce to maintain your farm/and or help support the family with either labor or marriage.

Nature provides you some skills by default. Some parents are missing these default skills. The mother who kills their kids. The mother who shakes their kid to death. The mother who put their kid into a microwave. The parent who abuse their kids, sexual or physical.

Nature’s basics(see any animal program on tv): provide food, shelter, and protection until age of ascension . Even animals have hard-wired limits for how many should they have to prevent starvation

>In modern day industrialized countries, it seems to be a combination of autopilot action, to find purpose in life, to make a being for you to love who loves you back, etc… danger comes in when parents make their children their sole meaning of life, only create children because the parent wants to be loved by another, or just creates children with no thought at all!

Modern complex societies require many more skills than the basic ones. “I want someone to love me.” is a really bad reason to become a parent. If your life is seems empty, it’s an easy way to give it purpose. Many more things in life can give you purpose and meaning. With the childfree, “So, i’m not going to be a parent ever. Now what?”. You read the experiences of others on the net and figure it out for yourself. My calling is film/tv production. I was incomplete until that discovery Now, “Someone is paying me to do this!”. In the future, I hope to say that.

Saying you have ADHD is not enough to be parent, not even close.

>agreed with Filmbuff that spanking is not child abuse, unless the spanking is done with the intent of injury or done for the purpose of relieving parent’s anger versus just due punishment. I would have crowned myself queen of the house and made my parents slaves if I had not been spanked here and there lol.

My father hit out of anger and lust for power, child abuse. My mother spanked for discipline, parenting. When you treat your kids as your personal slaves, that’s abuse. Teaching them the value of money by making them work for it, that’s parenting. Same deal, father treated me like a slave. Mother taught me the value of hard honest work.

If you were a good parent, kids won’t see it until much later in life. Once they see many examples of results of bad parenting, they should see the light. You see they aren’t perfect parents, but it worked. My mother and I are two polar opposite people. We clash on everything, up to present day. Despite that for a few years now, I make sure to make her a custom mother’s day card.

My father was a sleazeball SOB who ruined my life. Left me emotionally wounded. Unable to enjoy the normal experiences childhood and teen years. I missed out on high school dating, junior, senior prom, and so many other things. At the time, I didn’t see the things he did as wrong. I’v not spoken to him since my teen years. Later, I made it very clear. I wanted nothing to do with him. It’s a taken 25 years of healing. I’m much older and finally ready to date. Now, to that tiny matter of finding anyone like me(sarcasm).

Think long and hard about becoming a parent. Good and bad performance, the effects of your parenting will last a lifetime. Some kids are just bad seeds from the start. That’s out of your control. Usually, it’s bad parenting equals mental screwed up adult. Are you ready for the massive responsibility you will take on?

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[Shadow Nexus]

I ran a childfree link site for 10 years. Reading a boat-load of material.

MYTH: “Parenting makes you more mature and less selfish.” WRONG!

Everyone knows at least one person who is parent and very immature, childish, and selfish.

CHILDFREE MYTH: “The childfree are being selfish.”

The childfree are often very selfless and giving. I donate my time to a volunteer organization. I’m typical of that. We are just as diverse a group as parents.

CHILDFREE MYTH: “Animals are just a replacement for kids.”

Anyone who had/has a pet knows they are completely different. Taking care of a kid is very hard compared to an animal. The animal gives wholly different set of rewards and experiences.

Try taking care of kitten or puppy for long time. That’s just tiny fraction of what you’ll experience.

Read these:

http://enlightenment.supersaturated.com/essays/text/carolynray/shame_children.html

http://webspace.webring.com/people/bm/madsquopper/childfre.html

After, read “Sprogopolis” ROFL funny.

Anything you want to know about being childfree, ask me. I have an 500+ articles on the subject, including scientific studies.

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[Shadow Nexus]

Geoduck> Don’t worry, I had your share. I’ve got 3 [] No, not everyone can or should do this. Thanks for the acknowledgment that it takes something special to do it right.

My father is the one who should have forced to get snipped at a early age. One person who should have never become a parent. Yes, I wasn’t the only one in the family. No one talked about it or took you seriously then.

My mother did it right. Not perfect mind you, she screwed up royally in one area. As a kid, she spanked me and I deserved it. I experienced good and bad parenting. Spanking is NOT child abuse. I know the difference.

This “time out” and “self-esteem” BS doesn’t work. You can’t be their friend, you must be the parent. Else, you end up with spoiled amoral brats. Story, years ago on a message board for a free computer game project, these ME generation brats stole my ideas. This was my original idea that opened so many possible options. The programing code was slightly altered, but it was mine. They took credit for it. I told them to put my name on it or I was leaving. I gave them many chances to do the right thing. All I wanted was credit for my hard work. This was one of many original ideas, a completely redesigned user interface. I contributed so much to the community. What do I get in return?

“Why are you making a big deal out of this?” What bad parents created these amoral monsters??

So that was it, %$&#ing screw them. They lost a valued member. I deleted all my username-passwords to the websites and yahoo account. Burned my project to CD and wiped the hard drive of any trace of it. I vowed never to return. I haven’t. I keep the CD as a reminder of what happened, not to make the same mistake again.

Parents who leave kids on the computer for long periods to keep them out their hair(breeders IE bad parents). Amateur hackers who break into your computer with viruses and spyware are the result. The monsters online who go after your kids, since your your too lazy to parent.

Kids who live with their parents past 30 who can clearly afford it. Your too lazy to do you job as parent, tough love.

MYTH: “You go on as normal when you become a parent.” WRONG!

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Your life, as you knew it, is gone forever! Get over it.

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Your are now a 24/7 parent until their 18. If you really lucky, your hours might go down to part-time for the rest of your life.

Some bad parents created these monsters. You could be become one. Let that be a warning to you…

Now, actually finding someone to connect with that’s another matter.

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[Shadow Nexus]

Read my blog posts on the topic of “first time on adhd meds”

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[Shadow Nexus]

MYTH: “You’ll just know what to do.” WRONG!

Think about this very carefully. Their are so many stories in the media of people that shouldn’t be parents. The parents who don’t have the skills, patience, and anger control. This can be a disaster waiting to happen. People think my kid will be special. More likely is they’ll be a just one more smuck taking up space. What if their developmentally disabled, can you hand the lifetime of care? What if they have serious mental illness that make them violent or suicidal/self-destructive? So many different things can go wrong.

Are you prepared to let them develop into a personality that has nothing in common with you? Not push your your agenda, make them be something their not. Like the freaks who put their kids into beauty pageants when their seven. Push your failed dreams of glory on them. Let them find their own path in life separate from yours. You just guide and watch along the way.

Parenting is only for a rare few that can handle it. Any idiot can breed. Very few can be parents.

I’m childfree myself. I’v known since early childhood that kids weren’t for me. At first, I thought it was environment, but it was hard wired into me. Kids had zero appeal or interest. Also, I know my personality is unsuited for parenting. I need long periods of quiet isolation. Not compatible with the social unit of family. Any woman I meet who wants to breed is MASSIVE turn off. I’m gone very quickly after finding out.

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[Shadow Nexus]

pete-puma> Have you been recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan armada?!? I loved that movie.

I was wondering when someone would figure that out. I could so relate to him. I love that movie, got it on dvd. Critics compared it to star wars, but I couldn’t relate to luke. A bit on the corny side, but lots of fun.

Well said -too fat-. Lets get simple. We(ADHD persons) are the normal rational people. The majority are freaks, losers, morons, and lemmings.

USA Society puts pressure on you to get married and breed. Some people not suited for one or both. We see the results in the media all the time. The mother who shakes her her kid to death. The mother who put her kid into a microwave. The ones who kill all their kids. The high divorce rate here.

If you ask her to get married, your expected to give her an engagement ring before the wedding. Defined for the average person, a shiny transparent rock 1/2 the size of pea on shiny metal ring. Then you buy another rock on a ring of metal. The bigger the rock, the bigger the love you have for her. Your expected put the respective rock rings on each other fingers. For the day, you buy a massively expensive dress. For the average person, you spend 20k on your wedding day. Wear a white dress, even if your not virgin.

If your a rational person:

I’m expected to pay how much for that? Twice? Why not just a silver ring or necklace.

I love you more since I gave you a bigger rock ring. That’s insane.

Your buying $2000 wedding dress your only going to wear once??

You getting into 20k into debt for a one day event.

Get lost you crazy bitch! Bye Bye

In history, there was hand-fasting.

Try this idea, a real wedding. Get a long vine with big leaves just before the event. Go to a national park and find great spot. With a (insert religion or spirituality) priest present, say your lifetime commitment vows at sunrise. Nothing too $$$ or unnatural for wedding area. When the priest is done, you reach out and hold their hand. The priest then wraps the wine around your arms and ties it. They say, “You are now married.” You turn and walk down the isle bound in front of your friends and family. One vine leaf is presented from both sides of the isle to the bride and groom as a sign of approval. When you leave the wedding area, you are lifetime bound and may remove the vine as it it longer needed. Then you start your lives together. A simple and beautiful ritual.

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[Shadow Nexus]

>I would add this: show me an HR department these days that would touch a loudmouth contrarian and I’ll show you a flying saucer. HR has become a synonym for groupthink…which is why I suspect ADDers looking for work may be better served applying for positions at companies too small to have fossilized cultures.

My comedy involves the involves the whole job process. From applying to interviews to being in a job. It shows how silly and outright moronic it is. The first time I talked to job placement at my community college, we talked at length. When they told me that 88% of getting a job is your appearance and body language, I looked at them like they were insane and my mouth dropped to the floor. That only 5% is about your skills. WHAT?? THAT MAKES NO SENSE! For the first few years, I ignored this insanity till realized they were serious. I talked to someone at a job club about this insanity. I used a very simple argument:

Someone with an advanced degree, large amount of experience, and great references wearing shorts and a tee shirt(office), goes into an office. Some with a degree and some experience wearing a suit and tie, goes into an office. Both interview for the job. Logic is very clear who gets the job: advanced degree person. In the fantasy irrational world of job interviewing, the person with the suit and tie gets the job.

The guy i’m talking to tries to justify hiring the suit with the lame BS reasoning. They said, “I was using (insert name) logic.” I said, “No that’s logic!”.

It gets even more insane. “Don’t touch or scratch your face during interview.” I go, “huh? (pause) Personal habits??” I think. Umm, everybody does it. Why i’m worrying about something so trivial? Interviewers will dismiss you from the pool based on that?? WHAT!

If move around in the chair(figit) during the interview, they think you have too much energy. HUH?? Too much energy is what you want in the job! They have lots of energy to things done.

You get blamed for being unemployed. There is something wrong with you. I won’t bother to deconstruct those absurd statements.

LOGIC! There’s a word of great energy and power. Which these apes know nothing about. I come to one conclusion. Companies don’t want real people, they want Star Trek Borg – TM, commonly known as corporate drones.

Most people(lemmings/drones) are considered normal for being irrational. I’m the rational one and people look at me weird. What is wrong with this picture? To interviewers, I said two things:

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKIN’?

End rant…

In the comedy routine I made, this gets lots of laughs from friends. I’ll be going to Los Angeles to audition at a club soon. Wish me luck…

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[Shadow Nexus]

Here’s my list of the positives, some of our super-human abilities

hyper-awareness of the environment:

good luck sneaking up on me, you won’t get 100ft near me without me knowing it.

Driving accidents are rare.

hyper-taste:

tasting items at a high level. who needs drugs when you can have taste “orgasms”.

hyper-creative:

Writing stories is too easy. I just write down the movie playing in my head. The rest is editing. The 3D characters come to life from the moment I picture them in my head. The more the movie plays, the more I learn about them. For other things, ideas keep coming in an endless stream.

hyper-active:

no problems with weight. I’m lucky to keep it on.

hyper-ability to process visual data:

I move fast through stores. My ability take in visual info is staggering, even to me.

hyper-reflexes:

My driving and gaming reflexes are amazing.

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[Shadow Nexus]

I saw the doc yesterday. We spoke and decided to up the dosage from 10mg to 20mg. The difference, again, is small, but noticeable. My ability to focus is easier. My moods are more stable. Most important, reading goes without much starting and stopping. My pile of articles to read might just get done.

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[Shadow Nexus]

I never had much use for that American rich materialist trash(diamonds, big mansions, etc). I just wanted to be middle class.

Mostly studies say you can’t get any happier above 75k per year. All that trash just weighs you down. Junk it.

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There was a great topic called “awesome adhd”, but it disappeared. Can the admins explain this?

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Me, read my most-extreme post. I feel like i’ll be on disability for the rest of my life. Trapped in an economic prison. Anyone else in my position, would put a gun to their head long ago. Why I haven’t is a total mystery to me. ADHD is likely the source. That pig-headed stubborn singled-minded tenacity we all have. With the meds, i’m more focused. I’m pursuing ideas.

I’m so sick of being poor. It’s hard to focus on anything when your mind is on food and money constantly. The guy that was going to work with me for film/tv. It looks like he’s flaking out on me. Bah! I have two true friends. Mostly, I found have to rely on myself to get anything done. Depending on people is usually a bad idea for me. People never fail to disappoint me. And, I wonder why I get drained from being around people.

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Are there any people as adults that are this way? I know I can’t be the only one.

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[Shadow Nexus]

It’s our natural aggressiveness. The need to be doing something intense. We hate the parts of life where we need to sit, relax, and wait.

If I feel destructive, I just play out my that need to kill, blow stuff up, and slaughter my enemies. My favorite FPS:

“Fear 1”: blowing enemies into body parts

“Far Cry 1”: sniper rifle mayhem

“Crysis 1”: grabbing them by the neck until they pass out, then snapping the neck. Using them as a human shield.

My current passion is “Far Cry 2”. Good intense action, lots of stuff to blow up and watch em fly. You gotta love the machete. Attacking and finishing off wounded enemies. Heh Heh. Hunting em down with a sniper scope.

A lot of adhd people are in prison, I read, most don’t know. Me, I vent it and i’m ready to face the real world as a rational adult. As long as you keep it in the virtual world, it’s harmless.

There are many ways to deal with it. Exercise is another way.

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