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I was very shy when I was young. I mostly stayed away from people, very few friends. Old tech before the internet, I had a modem and connected to BBS’s to post and chat live. I developed more social skills. In community college, I developed even more social skill. In the 90’s, I got a modern computer with internet.
Today, my social skills are highly refined though internet and in-person. However, my ability to multi-task non-verbal signals and verbal speech is broken. I can do one or the other, but not both at the same time. If I am listening to what they say, i’m not reading non-verbals. If I am reading non-verbals, I’m not listening to what they say.
Some know how to read non-verbals from the start. I had to learn how to read non-verbal signals(from “normal” people). I have to stop and think ‘what does that expression mean?’. Take a few moments for my brain library to look it up. Then continue where I left off. Needless to say, it takes a large amount of effort to process. So, my brain gets tired quickly from “normal” people socializing.
I can be a social butterfly for a while, but soon I’m back to being a wall-flower. I need long periods to recover from being around “normal” people. The internet is great, no non-verbals to deal with it. Thank you for emoticons!
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>ADD folks are more prone to addictions of all sorts, including video games, and too much time spent on the computer. It’s a risky area….. Self-control is also what a good many ADD folks are lacking. More in the ability to manage time, and not get addicted, but it can lead to skirmishes with the law. No, we don’t all learn to develop it over time. I know first-hand having a son with ADD who did not (and he got addicted to video games)
As ADHD, I never had a problem with addiction with video games. I play, but still do the business of life. Addiction is about escaping life, not facing up to harsh reality of life. This applies to video games as well. It all depends on the person with or without ADHD.
“Drugs start as a way to feel good, but soon become a way to stop from feeling bad.” STTNG(TV)
>Rather interesting, really, regarding video games. I can’t personally stand video games, can’t stand to play them.
To understand virtual worlds, you have to have a good imagination. Reading books is just reading words, unless you enter that virtual world. The same with video games. If you don’t become the character, your just using controls to change images on screen. It’s like imaginary playtime when you were younger. You can’t understand that world unless you become the character in that world.
I’m the hero of Oblivion who saves the world, becomes a “knight of Imperial Dragon” and the hero of kvatch with stone monument in my honor. I’m the steath hero of FEAR who saves the city from army of clones. The list goes on.
>When I want to get physical, there are always things that need to be done that will satisfy that need. Cutting wood, clearing trees, hammering nails into a project. That way, I not only get physical, but get something done other than sit on my butt and gain more weight.
It’s all about balance, not too much of anything. I get burned out on socializing quickly. So, I do other things not involving it.
>Doctors will recommend physical activity for mind/brain health, bloggers will recommend games. [
]Sitting is bad for the metabolism, and also bad for the brain.
Wrong, for some of us, standing for long periods is harmful and/or painful. I’m both. I need to spend most of my time sitting. However, I move around in the chair part of having ADHD. I can’t sit still. It’s unnatural. Another reason, I can’t get past the interview.
REPORT ABUSE>Dating is tough for me because I am really shy and have a hard time breaking out of my shell. Once I do I think I overwhelm people I am loud, talk too much, constantly switch topics, and so on.
Sounds like nervous babbling. Some of us do that including myself.
I get drained from being around people in-person. It just takes about 10-20min before i’m drained and need to sleep. Take a car ride as an example, this great scenery is going past, breath taking views, and what is she doing, babbling on about nothing trying to fill the silence. LOOK A THE DAM VIEW GOING BY! Geez. Another one, talking during new movie or TV program. Both are massive turn offs.
Eye contact is non-verbal communication. There is no need to say anything at all. Words are not needed, just a look and/or touch. Never talk during a movie unless you’ve seen it at least ten times. Even then quick statements, not to spoil it.
No is such thing as awkward silence. Long hours nothing but silence. When we do talk it’s about important things, not small talk drivel. It’s lets get to point, get the problem solved, and discuss only as long as needed. For more complex issues, the convo runs it’s course and ends. Most people settle because it’s expected. I’m not one them.
I’v given up in-person meetings a while back. I’m on the third dating website and last. Things look good, but i’m realistic. I’m willing give it a few years. After that, it’s time to accept my fate. She doesn’t exist in the real world, only in my mind. I’m not there yet, but the idea of accepting it is getting easier with time. I’ll just assume she isn’t my type and not bother trying.
REPORT ABUSEhttp://totallyadd.com/forum/topic.php?id=850
Hi. Read this. You’ll find a kindred spirit.
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Falling asleep during a film afternoon or night is not happening anymore.
I would just get drowsy, try to stay awake, and then fall asleep for about 10-30mins. It was often during a great movie and I hated it. Also, I’m more focused and able to read much easier.
REPORT ABUSEBack in high school, I was looking for to spring break one year. I enjoyed that week. Then went to school the next week fully loaded. I show up at school and no one is there. So, I went home and checked out the school schedule. I took the week before spring off. Opps! The school never called me. I told everyone I had the flu.
Recently in public place, I went into the restroom to wash my hands. Shortly after, a woman appears from one of the stalls. I notice and get a quizzical look on my face. I think, “Something isn’t right here.” I say to her, “Wrong bathroom?”. She says back, “Yea.” I make discrete and hasty exist.
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The technique comes from neo-pagan(new age) spirituality. Which you mix together what ever beliefs work for you. Your free to reject and accept beliefs as you see fit. I’ll skip the spiritual aspects. This one is called the “Path of flaming sword”. Your mind will wander, expect that. Just refocus and continue on where you left off. Do this late at night and with fan(neutral sound). Find a time and place with no/very little distractions. It’s complex enough to keep an ADHD mind interested. Deep breathing should come naturally.
You visualize a point of light at a location on your body. You chant a word(s) over and again in your mind. The point of light glows brighter each time you say it. When you feel like moving on, you connect the current point of light to the new one with a glowing strand of light. Repeat the process. List order:
Just above your head, right shoulder, left shoulder, center of heart, right hip, left hip, base of spine, between the feet.
When the last point is finished, the first point glows with a blinding light. That light running down the chain like a fuse to the last point. While maintaining the previous connections, do this.
Using a word(s) chant to focus your mind, make a line of light going from the center of your body out to infinity:
center->left , center->right, center->down, center->up. Now chant the word again and again. Everything becoming brighter and brighter until you feel you are done. You have become a being of light. Wait there a bit more, this part is fun.
You continue chanting. You become bigger and brighter with word until the whole universe is now a pin prick. Another variant, you rise up and fly through roof out out into space with your body of light traveling faster and faster until you get that cool star trek warp stars.
I’v been doing this for over 20 years. This took a while to master. You don’t have to believe in the spiritual aspects. I understand the science behind this, but I prefer the spiritual explanation. “The spiritual equivalent of sticking your tongue into a light socket.”. I think of it more as being struck by lightning many times.
This ritual can give a big rush/high the first time it’s used. Later, it still has a good rush. You should sleep much better for a few days. Also, the next part is specific to my spirituality and personal. Again, I understand the science behind that as well.
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